After taxing Britons so severely that they cannot move, let alone get out of recession, the chancellor has finally agreed to implement his much touted Plan B.
“I have been forced to implement my Plan B. Remember, you’re all in this together and I will be behind you all the way. The plan will involve more taxation, I’m afraid. We’re going to tax you so much that the tax we make you pay will be taxed. As of Monday, the Treasury will increase fuel tax, income tax, council tax, VAT and death taxes. By the time I’ve finished with all of you’se lot, you’ll be begging in the f*cking streets, maybe I’ll put a tax on that as well,” a laughing Mr Osborne told the BBC before jumping in his chauffeur driven Bentley.
The Treasury also plans to implement further increases on fuel tax even when Iran is attacked and the Strait of Hormuz is blocked.
“Quite simply speaking, once the attack on Iran is underway, you can expect oil to rise to about $400 a barrel and that will mean no one will be able to afford to drive on the roads. We are already paying 89% tax on the price of petrol at the forecourts now,” Alan Cummings, a motorist from Hertfordshire told Sky.