The Fiscal Unitary Consumer Knowledge Trust, after much research, has revealed the remarkable notion that giving the Daily Squib a fiver is pretty much the only way the world’s economy can be saved, the paper published by the Office of National Statistics on New Year’s Day revealed.
“First of all, Happy New Year folks. The world is in grave danger, we need to circulate more cash in the economy. We want consumers to spend more, that way we stimulate the rusty cogs of the economy and we can get this mother moving once again. If everyone donated £5 (8 USD) to the Daily Squib newspaper, then you would be doing a better service than throwing away your money by giving it to any government or to the banks. At least, the Daily Squib is useful, and will utilise the money by bringing the public even more in-depth analysis, news, and utter, utter bollocks. You must do it, you must. For the sake of our civilization, for our wives, children, and our economy. Step up to the plate, click that paypal button and donate a fiver to the Squib,” Mervyn Hubbard, the key researcher at the think tank said emphatically.
Dear readers, do not worry, the world is not going to end in 2012. The Mayans were strung out on coke and couldn’t even predict the Spaniards, let alone 2012. As for all the nutty preachers predicting the end of the world all the time, even a broken clock is right twice a day. The world is not going to end yet, but the world is still in grave economic and political distress and unless you all help stimulate the economy by your generous donation we’re all fucked, doomed and double fucked.
Well, you heard the hard evidence and facts right there. We urge you to save our civilization by donating a miniscule £5 to the Daily Squib.
Thank you for saving the world.