Greece to Bailout U.S.

ATHENS - Greece - Greek finance minister, Vasili Archimalakas, has offered the United States a helping hand in their dire time of need.

“We are offering the United States some much needed assistance in this terrible time of need for their nation,” Mr Archimalakas, told Greek state radio today.

The United States, which is set to default on it’s China loans by next Tuesday, needs about $3 trillion to see it through August.

Speaking from the state department, House Speaker John Boner said: “I know what they said about being careful about Greeks bearing gifts, but shit, we’ll accept anything at the moment.”

The Greeks have thus agreed to send a few crates of olive oil, some donkeys from Crete and a bucketful of Ouzo.

“We feel that this should help the Americans, you know, like their bankers and credit agencies helped us,” Mr Archimalakas said, before spitting into the bucket just before the aid consignment was put on a plane bound for Washington.