Flying to America? Get Ready for Full-Body Scanners and Internal Body Searches

LONDON - England - The Daily Squib's travel adviser gives some useful tips to travellers making journeys to American airports.

Americans sure don’t do thing in halves, do they? If you’re travelling to America any time soon, be sure to give your internal cavities a good wash because you don’t want to be embarrassed in front of everyone when they search you. Unpleasant smells from your crotch area can be offensive to the brute TSA official searching your rectum or vagina, therefore hygiene is an essential must-do.

Be prepared for invasive pat-downs, especially for women being searched by some 6-foot thug armed with a big smile and wandering hands. Unless you enjoy having your breasts rubbed hard by a man you’ve never met in your life before, maybe travel elsewhere this year.

If that’s not bad enough, don’t forget that you will also be required to go through an American x-ray machine called a body scanner. This will ensure that you will have every minute part of your anatomy displayed to the authorities, and also get a nice dose of radiation for your troubles as well.

“I am required to travel to America at least ten times a year. I am only 24 years old, therefore I calculate, I should get full-blown lymphatic cancer by the age of 30,” a recent business traveller from Italy told the Rai Uno

A man is told to leave the airport after refusing to be genitally groped


What of the flight crews and pilots who have to endure the horror of travelling to America on a regular basis? Well, according to many airlines, the crews just have to grin and bear it.

“It’s all part of the job. We’re abused by the passengers in the air, and the TSA authorities on the ground. We’re all going to get some cancer related illness sooner or later from the x-ray machines and the groping is all part of the job now. There are even training days on how to take the news that you have cancer, and how to deal with TSA officials sticking their arms half way up your rectum,” Janine Fulworth, a flight attendant for British Airways told the BBC.

Bon Voyage..