More People Blown Up in Afghanistan Today

HELMAND - Afghanistan - Reports are coming in that more people were blown up by bombs, friendly fire and unmanned drones, the Reuters news agency said.

More Afghan civilians, American GI’s and UK marines were blown up today in massive explosions.

“It’s the same as yesterday, the day before that and the day before that. More people died today as well. It’s all the same. Oh, look! There goes another explosion right there,” Colonel Marcus Simpkins of the Yorkshire Regiment said whilst pointing at a huge explosion about 400 metres away.

Yesterday there were as many as 5,350 explosions in Helmand province alone, and some commentators are calling this the “popcorn syndrome”.

“You’re right. We call it the ‘popcorn syndrome’ because if you looked at a satellite view of Afghanistan on any given day, all you would see is a lot of popping going on. The only difference is we don’t get to watch a movie and munch on the crunchy white corn, instead we lie in a bunker deep in the ground cowering underneath a table whilst our sphincters go crazy at every close call,” the Colonel added.

There was more good news yesterday when a series of explosions were reported to have blown up a convoy of ‘Taliban fighters’. It was later revealed that the so-called ‘Taliban fighters’ were in fact a wedding procession of Afghan civilians, this was immediately seen as a success by the NATO high command because anyone within the war zone who is not Western is officially deemed a ‘Taliban fighter’ and notched up as another kill.