Comrade Darling's Brain Drain Budget Ensures Mass Defections

LONDON - England - Comrade Darling's 50% tax band hike has prompted many of the highly educated and skilled to flee Britain.

Amongst the carnage around the shipping ports and airports there were even fights reported at ferry stations as the mass defection of high earning workers escaped the British shores for better climes.

Comrade Darling’s speech rang out across Soviet Britain today: “Dearest Comrades, the vile capitalist scum who worked hard for their money should be punished severely. This is why I plan on increasing their income tax to such a high level and redistributing their money to people who really need it like benefits cheats, alcoholics, druggies, wasters, hoodies and peasant scum with twenty kids and no jobs. It is the Labour creed which has created a benefits culture in this country where people are rewarded for scrounging off the state and those who work hard to support themselves are punished hard.”

Mass Defections

After hearing Comrade Darling’s 2009 Budget Speech where he announced the curtailment of all enterprise, business and success for hard work there was a mass scramble to leave Britain before Politburo officials from the Peoples Treasury locked down all ports and airports.

Darling’s budget will ensure many doctors, surgeons, lawyers, architects, pop singers, actors, artists, business people, city employees, IT workers and essential professional staff with specialist skills have made plans to leave Britain immediately.

“We heard the news at noon from a Stasi tannoy announcement in our sector. By 4pm, we left our jobs and were out the door and on our way to the airport to go to Ireland where they have a progressive tax system. I am a brain surgeon and deemed as an essential member of the hospital but f*ck this for a laugh. I’m not going to be working for 50% of the year so Darling can hand out my money to more benefits cheats, daytime tv viewers, drug addicts and chav scum. He can f*ck off. I left the patient on the operating table with his skull open and gave instructions for the trainee nurse to deal with the left cranial embolism,” Sir Charles Litton, a leading neurosurgeon from University College London Hospital told the Soviet Broadcasting Company.

As a result of the Darling budget announcement, many hospital departments were left empty and some patients were even forced to conduct operations on themselves.

Many of the defections to countries not desecrated by Comrade Brown’s New Era of Change have already resulted in a huge decrease in tax revenue for the Soviet People’s Chancellor.

“Punish hard work and reward idleness and sloth; nothing has changed with Labour’s policies then. This is the reality of Labour’s Britain, where those who work hard will see the income they make given to some sc*m ridden piece of sh*t slapper with 12 kids from different men, so they can enjoy their 37 inch plasma screens and Heat magazine subscriptions and never work a day in their cigarette stained booze fuelled lives,” Archie Temple, an ex-barrister for a top London Law firm, told Reuters as he was boarding a plane to Switzerland from Heathrow.

Comrade Darling’s 2009 budget has not only precipitated possibly the biggest brain drain ever but also ensured the demise of the British pub industry with thousands more public houses set to go bust after beer tax was raised. The budget has also ensured the demise of the haulage industry and punished drivers after massive tax hikes in fuel tax.

But don’t worry Comrades, there will be another ten years of massive tax hikes to pay for Labour’s mess, so please do look on the bright side. Hello, is there anyone there? *lights out*