Addressing congress from a televised conference recorded in the Oval room, George W Bush described the imminent threat posed by Zimbabwe’s weapons of mass destruction.
“Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Zimbabwe regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised,” Mr Bush said in his speech.
The US president also stated that Mugabe was trying to build nuclear missiles that could hit the Western world in 45 minutes.
“We know for a fact that there are weapons there. Zimbabwe has chemical, nuclear and biological weapons, Mugabe has continued to produce them, he has existing and active military plans for the use of chemical and biological weapons, which could be activated within 45 minutes against the west,”
There are also purported to be tonnes of yellowcake uranium under Mugabe’s palace situated 45 km west of Harare as well as multiple mobile missile launching sites manned by Al Qaeda members dotted around the capital.
Vice President, Dick Cheney added: “Simply stated, there is no doubt that Robert Mugabe now has weapons of mass destruction.”
‘Shock and Awe’
“Robert Mugabe poses an immediate threat to the United States of America. I have ordered our forces to strike decisively and with great precision. We will eliminate the imminent threat to our country and return the oil reserves to their rightful owner — the USA.”
The president’s speech was received with rapturous applause and cheer from the assembled Fox News crew in the White House oval office. Fox news anchor, Bill O’Reilly was seen to wet his spandex trousers with delight at the news of another war.
The Zimbabwe oil find is said to be approximately three trillion barrels worth and would supply the US with enough oil until September.
“If we invade by next week we can be drilling and pumping the oil by week two,” a Halliburton employee told Fox news.
The people of Zimbabwe who have suffered for many years are said to be happy that the US has finally come round to invading them and getting rid of the vile dictator Mugabe.