British Teens to be Cautioned for First Time Murder Offences

LONDON - England - Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has announced new Labour laws to reduce violent crime in the British Isles. The breakthrough laws will also reduce police paperwork and increase efficiency within the law and enforcement sectors.

Under the new laws espoused by the Home Office, teens who commit their first murder will be cautioned and then given an on-the-spot fine of £20.00.

If the teens do not have the money upfront they will be reprimanded and required to pay the fine in instalments.

Two strikes and you’re out

Only when British teens commit murder twice will there be any grounds for a court appearance which may eventually lead to prosecution and possible jail time.

Courts in England and Wales have welcomed the Home Secretary’s decision and commended Ms Smith on freeing up valuable court time so they can continue prosecuting more motorists in England and Wales for minor driving offences.

The Labour think tank which pioneered the groundbreaking law has also been commended by the Prime Minister.


Gordon Brown will be discussing the new murder laws in next week’s cabinet meeting with a view to implementing them within six months.

Jacqui Smith, who was also responsible for the introduction of ASBO’s (Anti Social Behaviour Orders) and ABC’s (Anti Social Behaviour Contracts), was
not available for comment because she was down her local kebab shop
with an armed escort getting some extra chilli sauce on a chicken

Violent crime statistics in the UK are now at a three year low with only 450 murders per day in Manchester alone.

The rest of the UK has also seen a dramatic decrease in violent crime because of Labour’s recent crime fighting initiatives.