Fortune Teller Sees England World Cup Results

LONDON - England - A fortune teller has seen the result for England's attempt at the World Cup.

A London based fortune teller has seen the exact result for England’s World Cup.

“Now let’s see. Italy, Uruguay and Cost Rica in Group D. I lifted the Death card and that is D right there. Then I looked in my little crystal ball, it wasn’t very pretty for England fans. Sorry to break the terrible news to you all. Add in the humidity of the jungle and you don’t have to be a fucking fortune teller like me to see the result,” Deirdre Mildred, a fortune teller from Walthamstow, East London told the Sun.

The group of jungle death might be all set in the stars for England but you never know there could be a divine intervention.

A contingent of England fans are gathering a group of druids at Stone Henge to give the England team a boost.

Matthew Tripton, 43, an electrician from Humberside has assembled 56 druids from all over England for the magical ceremony that should seal at least one goal for England.

“If we can get one piffling goal, maybe just a few dribbles here or there we’ll be happy. You know these Latin players, it’s all flair and long distance goals innit. We just use brute force and a few tactics. Where’s the likes of Vinnie Jones and that brute Irish bastard Roy Keane to chop down a few limbs when you need them?”