With no major innovative products coming along any time soon, the stock price has been falling off a cliff with over $80 billion being lost since October 2012.
“Steve was Apple, and when he passed away so did the company. This new CEO has no charisma, no forward vision and no frickin’ balls. We need to find a way to resurrect Steve Jobs,” an anonymous Apple employee revealed yesterday.
Apple boffins have thus been given the task of bringing the dead Steve Jobs back to life.
“We thought we could somehow hook him up to the grid, you know like Frankenstein or in his case Frankenapple. He can then tell us what products to bring out next and what to do,” Apple CEO Tim Cook told Tech Crunch news.
Another Apple employee said: “As long as that wooden sitcom actor Ashton Kutcher is not involved in anything, that’s a bonus.”