“It’s like this, we’ve got some majorly rich G7 countries who are going to mingle with some slightly rich G20 countries and they in turn are going to mingle with the G54 lot. It’s going to be the party of the century and we’re making sure we have the right type and amount of canapés at the meeting,” Ashley Risburger, a representative of the G20 nations told the Financial Times.

With power shifting from the G7 and onto the G4, the G20 nations have sometimes felt underappreciated with the proceedings and are now pushing for the G54 contingent to muscle in as well.

“This is the first time all the G7, G20, G4 and G54 countries are meeting in one hall. We’re so excited but it’s going to be one heck of a meeting,” Sam Finklestein, a US eco lobbyist told Reuters.

There are plans to amalgamate all the G nations into one group of G240 countries but some diplomats say that this would mean that the meetings would be less frequent annually thus depriving delegates of gourmet meals and other goodies.

Larry Jenkem, who deals with International Monetary Policy, was today calling for a change of letter within the G nations.

“We want a different letter. Maybe we should move onto F countries. You know like F20 and F7. I think that actually sounds better than G,” Mr Jenkem exclaimed.

Some commentators on the G20, G7, G4 and G54 have however chosen to ignore all the suggestions because of the yawn inducing nature of the whole matter.

Tony Humbug, 49, an agitated British voter said: “F*cking hell, it’s enough to make you want to shave your eyeballs with a rusty razor. These G whatever meetings they’re always having. They just talk and talk and talk. Pamper themselves on booze, gourmet food and high class pr*stitutes then go back home to repeat the same thing next year. All the while, outside every meeting there are people causing bloody havoc with riots while these ponced up arseholes are blabbing away as if nothing’s going on. I’m sick of the whole bloody lot. Forget about G, I say it should be Zzzzz.”

“Gordo gets about two and a half hours sleep a night. He’s a paranoid wreck and breaks out in cold sweats every few minutes grinding his teeth manically. It’s quite distressing for the staff because one minute he’s throwing a fax machine through a window and the next he’s rushing off to the toilets. We don’t know if he’s coming or going, in fact we don’t think he knows either,” a senior Number10 aide told Britain’s state broadcasting station, the BBC yesterday.

Although the PM has flatly denied that he is ‘coked up to the eyeball’ he has been seen numerous times with a white powder-like substance on his nose.

There has also been cause for concern about the ailing PM’s erratic behaviour.

“He’s got a nervous twitch, something he does with his mouth, like an ‘o’ shape. His aides tell me they are very concerned about his eyeball as well because of his one eye, if he overdoses he might lose the sight in the other eye as well. He’s already bumping into things anyway and has to read documents about 5cm away from his face. It can take hours for him to read one page. Surely this guy can’t run a country effectively like that? I knew that of course before i jumped ship. No wonder he’s f*cked everything up. Gordo could f*ck up a cup of coffee anyway, but run a country? No way!” Tony Blair, the ex British PM told a group of delegates who paid $14,000 each to see him speak for two hours in Arizona.

Maybe it is time that Gordon Brown has an Intervention to curtail his drug taking and reckless coke binges which are threatening to derail his disastrous premiership.

There have been rumblings of discontent in the expert industry which dominates the world’s mainstream media.

Many experts are now agitated at the astounding level of expertise being released from experts worldwide. The Labour government in the UK is leading the push into the expert industry and is increasing expert advice in all media forms daily.

“We’ve got a surplus of experts at the moment who are doling out increased levels of expertise that has frankly exhausted the public’s taste for expert expertise. Open any mainstream newspaper or magazine and you will be inundated with experts. I’ve never seen so many bloody experts blabbering on and on with expert knowledge that is 99% of the time completely f*cking useless,” Professor Gerald McManus, an expert on experts at the University of Scunthorpe told a panel of experts yesterday.

Expert Solutions

Worldwide experts in all fields of expertise are now demanding more rights to spout more expert advise to all and sundry.

“We are petitioning the Association of Experts, Expertise and Experting to push down peoples throats more expert knowledge. Maybe compulsory orders so people have to listen to our expert advice daily. We are experts in our field so we should be listened to. Our expertise is something that should not be ignored and should be adhered to by all. We are here to guide you through your meaningless lives where you cannot think for yourselves and have no understanding of how things work. We are your experts and will tell you how to do everything. Please just sit back and listen to our expert advise, you don’t even need to think, just listen,” Joel Hamer, an expert in shoehorns and 18th century shoelaces told the BBC.

“I can finally be put out of my misery,” the glum prime minister told a commons meeting at lunchtime.

There is a big queue of cabinet ministers and ex-cabinet members who are vying for the coveted role of assisting Gordon in escaping the morose moribund state of being himself.

“We’ve got thousands of people applying for the job to snuff out Gordo. He wants to go out quick, maybe with a revolver or an axe, but he has asked to not make it too messy,” a Number10 aide told the BBC.

Mr Brown is known to the British people as the most detested and vilified prime minister in the history of politics.

The prime minister’s assistant told a BBC news crew today: “We’d televise it if we could but it’s going to be done in one of the backrooms in 10 Downing Street and behind locked doors. Gordon has been begging to be put out of his misery once and for all and will do anything to escape the hell that he has created in Britain today and of living with the memory of being himself.”

Some commentators have however questioned the prime minister’s plans for assisted suicide: “We understand this is the most humane way of putting Gordo out of his misery, but we think he deserves to stick around in the Britain he’s created a little while longer to suffer along with all the millions of other Britons who have to live here. Why does he get a ticket out of here? Let the bugger serve his term.”