“People were running around like headless chickens, I saw our features editor banging his head against a watercooler, then Jimmy our senior staff writer was seen tossing fax machines out of the 13th floor closed window. This has really affected us, we are known as AAAA, and they fricking downgraded us? Standard and Poor can kiss my hairy ass, we’re going to storm their offices tomorrow and overturn their furniture, maybe let off a few stink bombs,” our senior sub sub editor in chief, Ernst Max, said after the downgrade announcement at 15.00 GMT.
After much wrangling and negotiation, it was however revealed that Standard and Poor made a major clerical error and the Daily Squib’s AAAA rating was restored causing much embarrassment.
When the unfortunate S&P mistake was fixed, other rating agencies like Fitch and Moody’s all increased their ratings of the Squib immediately causing the euro and GBP to shoot up markedly against the dollar.
S&P spokesman Dan Grader said: “We’re sorry about the mistake. Yesterday we made a major hiccup by accidentally downgrading the Daily Squib. Apparently one of our operators fell asleep at his terminal for three seconds and accidentally hit the delete key taking off an ‘A’. This person has since been reprimanded and will now be stuck in our mail office sorting letters for the next hundred or so years.”