17.7 C
London
Saturday, January 31, 2026
secret satire society
HomeBusinessAnother Pump and Dump Day at the Markets

Another Pump and Dump Day at the Markets

NEW YORK - USA - It was business as usual at the NYSE as stocks fell by over 300 points on the Dow Jones index on Friday after rising by 300 points the previous day.

ai

“We pump the stocks up with good news, then we get one of our boys to release some juicy info that’s kind of scary, then we dump the shares and commodities. Repeat this a few times a week and you can make some serious profits, especially if you go short and long both ways,” Alan Deano, a Wall Street pit trader told MSNBC.

Pump and dumpers used to use phone calls in the old days but now the internet does all the work for them.

“With the internet you can get news around the world in less than a second. Before, we had to use phone calls to the right people for the news and then by the time it’s printed in the newspapers it’s too f*cking late or the effect is minimal. Now I can clean up by lunchtime. I’ll buy up half of Africa when the stock is dumped, then we start pumping again and again. It’s hard work you know,” Mr Deano added before speeding off in his new Lamborghini.

  Do you value freedom?

SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB We fight for freedom, justice, satire and coffee.    
  • First they came for the Satirists
  • And I did not speak out
  • Then they came for the...
  • ai
    - Advertisment - proton vpn

    NEWS ON THE HOUR

    ai

    MORE NEWS

    THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

    The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!