Israeli PM Says British Mass Murderer Derrick Bird Was Acting in Self-Defence

CUMBRIA - England - Israeli prime minister, Binyamin Netanyahu, has defended the British mass murderer who killed 12 people in cold blood on Wednesday as "acting in self-defence".

“Derrick Bird was acting in self-defence when he murdered 12 bystanders in a sleepy Lake District village. He was acting like our troops and commandos do to civilians every day in Palestine and Gaza as well as International waters. These people who were shot simply existed in this world, therefore they just like the Palestinians, deserved to be shot and killed,” Mr Netanyahu told the Israeli Knesset today.

After his brief speech, the Israeli parliament gave Mr Netanyahu a standing ovation and cheered for approximately eight minutes of sustained applause.

“This guy, who murdered those innocent bystanders going about their daily business in Cumbria, should be given a medal of honour by our Israeli military. He is just like our soldiers who will be honoured with medals for shooting the untermenschen Palestinian scum and peace activists in cold blood,” Mr Netanyahu said to rapturous applause from the Knesset.