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Why Obama Has to Win the Next Election

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“Obama is coming for America’s guns. They are getting the TSA ready to knock on your door and hand over your firearms. It’s OK though, you will get a few vouchers for your pain, maybe some Walmart or Target vouchers where you can buy some food instead, or whatever you want, as long as they are not guns. It’s going to be fun to watch what happens, ” Laura L. Marshall, a key European political observer told Politics Today magazine.

It has been a long time coming and the extreme bad press and scare stories touted by the Obama regime against personal firearms is surefire proof that his agenda will be extremely explosive and inflammatory when he is re-elected as president in October 2012.

“Remember that we’re going to have the Trayvon Martin hearing then too. The president is making sure that the Zimmerman neighbourhood watch guy goes down for many years, and he will cite the gun thing during this period. If Zimmerman was acquitted, we would have black riots everywhere. So, that’s why Zimmerman will go down for life, and it’s written in the judges notes right now. That is if he wants to keep his job, and the jurors will be hand picked of course. This show trial will be the trial that leads to the abolition of firearms across the nation. If you don’t believe me, wait until October, and see for yourselves,” a source within the Pentagon revealed.

America’s Supreme Court, under an Obama Second Term, will be remodelled in Obama’s Anti-Firearm vision. The constitutional freedoms that Americans have enjoyed for hundreds of years will be threatened, as Obama takes away the right for Americans to defend themselve’s with a gun.

The Second Amendment, the right to bear arms, will be scratched completely from the constitution and law. Only law enforcement agents or military will be allowed to carry arms, and even they would be severely restricted in public.

If you think the U.S. Constitution can not be messed with, look at the Fourth Amendment. When the TSA stick their hand down your crotch in an airport or train station, they are violating the Fourth Amendment, the right against unreasonable searches and seizures. What have Americans done to stop that? Nothing. Therefore, Obama knows that the Second Amendment is easy to bulldoze over too. Where are the founding fathers now? 

“The model is the UK. The whole population has been disarmed, and the government and law can do anything to them through absolutism. Look at the Big Brother laws laid out in the UK. No one has any rights anymore, or any reproach to change legislation, or protest, or defence against attackers. The only people who have serious guns in the UK are the criminals with their arsenals of illegals guns. In the UK if someone invades your home and atacks your family, if you defend yourself and family with lethal force, you go to jail for murder. They don’t want people to defend themselves. Even the police don’t have guns in the UK, look it up, they need to call in specially trained armed officers if there is ever an incident, and that can take over an hour for them to come to any scene, by that time, we got blood and guts everywhere. We don’t want the US to end up like the UK — an unarmed people with no rights or future,” Jim Powers, political analyst for Washington think-tank, the Political Fiscal Union wrote in a recent white paper study.

British Prime Minister, David Cameron’s recent official visit to America probably involved him giving advice to Obama on how to disarm the people of America. If Obama is going to get advice on how to do this, the Brits are the best advisers.

Obama’s Attorney General, Eric Holder, has already revealed his wish to “really brainwash people to think about guns in a vastly different way,” in a 1995 recording.

“We can’t bring in the real laws we want to bring in until Americans are disarmed one by one. If they had guns they might fight back. We don’t want that,” a senior Obama aide told CNN on Friday.

The question is, how is Obama going to disarm America?

'Comedian' Alan Davies to Never Film Jonathan Creek Series on April 11th Ever Again

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“I can’t wait to film my new series in Liverpool, but I shan’t be filming on April 11th because I had a really bad experience once on twitter on that day when a load of scousers sent me death threats on twitter. From now on April 11th will be a no filming day, and I expect everyone else to adhere to that rule as well. If you don’t feel my pain, I want you to feel my pain, and you better feel my pain and I will tell you how to feel my pain, even though it’s not related to you in any f*cking way,” Mr Davies said from a secret location somewhere in Britain.

Scousers were out in force yesterday looking to deliver Mr Davies’s head on a platter to the Hillsborough football stadium.

“We’ll sniff the little rat out sooner or later. Then we’ll have a little game of footie — with his head, eh, eh, eh!” Jim Scouse, a LFC fan from Liverpool told the Sun newspaper yesterday.

Another Liverpool fan said yesterday: “Forget about him not filming on April 11th. He should stop filming permanently.”

Trayvon Zimmerman: American Justice Resolved By Public Pressure

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“It was either mass riots across America and possibly civil war, or putting the guy in prison for thirty odd years. We chose the latter and now we can all rest easy,” public prosecutor, Angela Corey, told an impromptu press conference.

In a great blow for the US justice system, it seems that public pressure and petitions by angry members of the African American community swayed the public prosecutor, Angela Corey, to accept any demands thrown at her in order to avert anymore threats of violence through mass rioting.




George Zimmerman, 28, who was recorded screaming as he was attacked by Trayvon Martin, cited self-defence utilising Florida’s ‘Stand your ground’ law. For doing his job and adhering to the law, he will now go to prison for the rest of his life.

“We had to appease the African Americans. It was either that or indiscriminate violence against white people. We’re actually scared of these people and will do anything they want, including putting them in jobs using racial quotas even though the people employed are probably not qualified to do the job. Try firing one of them! It ain’t ever going to happen,” a scared white man told Fox News before being arrested for speaking up.

Abu Hamza West End Musical Debut a Success

“It was a beautiful show that made me laugh, brought me to tears, and made me fear for my life all at the same time,” Times theatre critic, Leonard Dillon, reported in his daily column.

The show’s cast were terrified on the night as they endured over four standing ovations by the audience.

“I’ve never seen a show like this before, it was well worth the ticket money, I was captivated hook, line and sinker,” another audience member said.

Hamza and the Amazing Technicolor Suicide Vest

The theme of the musical extravaganza centres around hate preacher Abu Hamza and his cast of fanatical followers in a Finsbury park mosque. Hamza regails the audience with his wild fantasies about bombing the Brits and Yanks, whilst waving his hook around.

“The show’s musical score is beautiful, although the end of the first scene where Hamza drags his hook hand across a chalk board had everyone in the audience shivering. I especially love the end of the final scene where hundreds of pyrotechnic explosions are let off with an almighty mushroom cloud and Abu is extradited to America to spend fifty years in jail,” theatre critic for the Telegraph, Mathew Malcontent, revealed.

The Abu Hamza musical has already been snapped up by a Broadway theatre and will play in New York in September.

Romney Wants to Bring All His Wives to White House

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The Mormon president, as he will be called, is a polygamist with over 200 wives which he keeps in his Utah compound.

“Once Mitt wins the election he will move all his wives in and they will all be known as the First Ladies. We might have to build an extension to the White House as well as a massive Mormon church in the Rose Garden,” one of Romney’s spokesmen, Dean Santoro, told CBS news.

Romney hopes to circumnavigate the current law that bans polygamy by creating a new law un-banning it.

“If I’m the president I can make any law I want, therefore, I will change the law about polygamy and make it legal. A man’s gotta have his slaves, ahem, I mean wives, why should the Muslims be the only one’s having all the fun?” Mr Romney said at a recent news conference.

Comrade Cameron Warns Proles About Thoughtcrime

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Speaking from his dacha in Chipping Norton, Comrade Cameron instructed Commissar May to commence a program of mass surveillance on the people of Britain.

“I have instructed the Commissar for Home Security to begin a program of controlled mass surveillance on all communications available to the proles. This will include all communiques via email, telephone, internet traffic, carrier pigeon or letter writing. All citizens of our great United Soviet EU enclave must adhere to these rules at all times or you will be liquidated. Remember that all your data can also be accessed by council snoopers as well as any government agency that wishes to do so. We will also put all your data forward to the highest bidder, and this will be a nice little money earner for the government.”

Commissar for Home Security, Theresa May said yesterday: “I have been instructed by our supreme leader, Comrade Cameron, to increase surveillance levels on all potential terrorists, i.e. you the population. Everyone is a suspect in Thoughtcrime, and you will be deemed guilty before proven innocent. All you toe rags need shutting up innit. Here, I want you all to enjoy spouting off all your thoughts on the internet because from now on it’s all going to be recorded and filed forever, and used against you whenever we need to, you stupid mugs.”

New Cristina Kirchner Portrait Shows Troubled Soul

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“She looks rather tired. Somewhat miserable and gloomy in the photograph. I just hope she’ll get over this Malvinas business and go back to her plastic surgery sessions. She’s really out of her depth,” Argentinian politician, Augusto Galtieri, told a group of reporters outside the country’s parliament.

Mrs Kirchner, however ignored the advice of the opposition party’s politicians and dug down even deeper with more rhetoric against the people of the Falkland Isles.

“I was just on the phone to my old friend Sean Penn, and he told me that we need to get those Gringos out of our islands. He’ll be on the battleship when we invade Port Stanley. What a brave fella he is. Viva Argentina!”

Disgrace of Met Policeman Who is Not Racist

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In an appalling drunken outburst, PC Thomas Raycehaight, 36, told the Pakistani  ‘glad you’ve come to our wonderful country. You are most welcome here’. The disgraced officer faces the sack for gross misconduct after being convicted of a non racially aggravated comment towards a non-English person.

The Metropolitan police force which prides itself in its institutionally racist organisation is determined to not let this lax of principles by one officer let it down.

“We at the Met are determined to carry on and not let our force be tarnished by one non-racist individual in our ranks. He will be sent back to Hendon immediately for re-training,” police commisioner, Paul Whitewash, told the BBC.

The Met is determined to root out any non-racist officers and will complete an internal investigation into these serious allegations by next month.

Gingrich Uses Wife to Secure More Funding

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“One stare from Newt Gingrich’s wife and people just hand over the cash,” Jerry Sandweiss, Gingrich’s campaign manager, told reporters assembled at a conference hall during a recent fundraising event.

People waited in the audience for Gingrich and his secret weapon to turn up, and a big black curtain was draped over the stage.

“Suddenly there was a noise and we heard the sound of change in a pocket, ching ching, and they raised the curtain. That’s when we saw her and I’m not shitting you people just started to cringe, one man had an embolism right next to me and fell to the ground with blood tricking from his ear holes and eyes, another man screamed so loud it hurt, you know like a high pitched gonad scream, he didn’t care, he emptied his pockets in less than thirty seconds. We all handed over our money, our wallets, cards and dignity,” a distraught Gingrich campaign funder told CBS news on Friday.

According to reports, Gingrich’s wife is so potent that her stare can make milk curdle, and when she speaks in her high pitched pig squealy voice, people literally have their eardrums perforated on the spot.

“People will do anything to get away from that. I’ve seen some even pledge college funds or house payments. Gingrich is going to win this race anyway he can do it. Kudos to him, he’s now the richest candidate on the field, leaving even rich boy Romney in the dust,” an election observer told the New York Times.

UK Family Outcasts After Not Swindling Benefits System For Thousands

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The family has been effectively ostracised from their estate and had to flee with their lives, after actually working and not sponging off the government with benefits scams.

“This is a very sad state of affairs. This family are a detriment to our society, they have shamed themselves by being self sufficient and actually working for a living. It’s disgusting that such a thing could happen. We need to hunt them down and make an example of them. One of them is actually partially disabled as well and not on Incapacity,” an angry resident of the Grubly sink estate in Scunthorpe’s Grimspit neighborhood, told reporters of the Daily Mail newspaper.

A national manhunt is underway for the family and there are even calls for deportation.

In the UK state funded aid is a normal way of life with benefits officers falling over themselves to give people thousands of pounds in state aid.

“I haven’t worked in years. I’ve got 3D 5K TVs in each room of my four bedroom end of terrace stucco mansion. I get £4,500 per week in benefits and never have to pay any tax or NHS, gym, cinema. We get a car allowance of £26,500 per year and my eight kids get free safari trips to Kenya, all on the taxpayer, except there ain’t many of those around anymore, innit,” Julia Mucker, 46, told the Sun newspaper.

Living on benefits does certainly have benefits, especially when you can take three holidays in a year, enjoy the rolling hills of Umbria in Italy, or the beaches of the Cayman Islands.

“We just got back from our usual jaunt down to Tuscany. We hired a villa there and stayed for two months. The wine is fabulous, really special stuff, but we brought our cans of Specialbrew because me and the kids wanted to get totally mullered,” Mrs Mucker added.

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