17.7 C
Thursday, February 29, 2024
secret satire society
HomeEntertainmentGary Oldman to do Hollywood Tours

Gary Oldman to do Hollywood Tours

LOS ANGELES - USA - Former actor, Gary Oldman has resorted to doing Hollywood bus tours for a living.

buy squib book

Ah, Gary Oldman, an actor’s actor, no doubt he has to do the odd mainstream twaddle to shore up his bank account, but he is a staunch favourite in the Squib office.

Well, Gary’s doing tours of Hollywood for VIPs these days mainly due to some Playboy interview, which inexcusably told the truth.

“I received a call Monday, or was it Tuesday, someone from the Daily Squid or something, they said I had won a Squib award, but since I made that painful apology it was sort of put on the back burner. They called me an arse for making an apology and grovelling. I told them to stick their award where the sun don’t shine, i.e. firmly up their jacksies. Funny thing is, don’t know how they got my number, ah never mind, but I told my agent Moshe Liebovitz, that if I get any more calls from the Squib, give the phone to me again and I will shout down that phone with all my rage,” Oldman told Hollywood Week magazine.

The actor went on to describe a typical tour: “I have this pent up anger, aaaaargh! This is why I use a megaphone in the bus, I put the megaphone directly onto someone’s ear and tell them what they are looking at. I want to see their ears bleed. Over there is Levi Saultzman’s house, he is a famous producer, then over there is the guy who produced some of my films, Aaron Fleischer, and this fucking house belongs to studio director, Eli Krantzenberger, and there is Steven Spielberg’s mansion, and in this street is the guy who runs the whole show, a very mysterious character, who I cannot name because he is Jewish, and look over there that studio is run by Golan Zucker, but lest we forget the owner of the last studio on the tour, yes it’s Elon Maskovi, he made one of the most memorable films last year, er, what was it again?”

And in appreciation of Mr Oldman’s wonderful style..

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -





The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »