Fears that Russian Driving Skills Could be Exported Globally

KIEV - Russia - With all this Russian expansionism going on in the former Ukraine and all over Eastern Europe, there are serious fears that the world's drivers could soon be driving like they do in Russia.

“Russian driving is equivalent to downing two bottles of vodka, a handful of Temazepam, a bag of cocaine and 16 cans of Red Bull all at once,” Igor Stansvski, a driver from Moscow revealed.

Russian road deaths are amongst the highest in the world, and soon they’ll be exporting their death rate to our roads as well.

Looks like from now on we’ll all be driving around with dashcams playing crap Russkie electro music and shouting “Blyat!” and “Opa!” at every opportunity.