President Donald Trump is putting into action an audacious plan to topple Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro — not with troops, sanctions, or diplomacy, but with an army of taco trucks.
The plan, codenamed Operation Salsa Storm, was reportedly originally discussed during a 2019 National Security Council meeting.
According to insiders, Trump, at the time, believed that “nobody can resist a great fucking taco,” and that flooding Caracas with “the best, most beautiful taco trucks ever made” would “make socialism completely obsolete by lunchtime.” It sure beats eating out of a trash can every day, as most socialist Venezuelans do.
Aides say the plan included a 14-step flavour offensive featuring slogans such as “Make Venezuela Guac Again” and “Freedom Comes with Extra Cheese and Barbacoa.”
The current taco invasion plan is backed up by a $40 billion budget earmarked for taco infrastructure, guacamole logistics, and diplomatic napkins. Democrat senator Hakeem Jeffries has also been enrolled as the taco mascot for the operation and will be wearing a very large oversized sombrero as usual.
Marco Rubio, the current National Security Advisor, allegedly tried to object to the plan recently, suggesting that food trucks were not a recognised instrument of regime change. Trump immediately replied, “Marco, you ever had a bad fucking day while eating a taco? Didn’t think so. Shut up, and get me another taco, and this guaco is fantastic.”
Meanwhile, declassified documents have revealed that the CIA conducted field tests in Miami in 2017 which led to a temporary loss of political awareness among test subjects exposed to unlimited carnitas. “Morale went through the roof,” one agent admitted. “We started questioning democracy, but in a good way.” The taco tactical experiment seemed to work in changing ideological political allegiance through culinary psychological manipulation.
Analysts say that while the plan was never truly implemented until now, its blueprint resurfaced in later proposals, including Operation Burrito Barrier and a short-lived attempt to franchise democracy through drive-thrus.
Maduro, upon hearing about the taco threat, dismissed it as “imperialist nonsense,” though he reportedly ordered a dozen tacos from a nearby food truck for research purposes. Afterwards he had to dig into his used toilet paper supply, reportedly.
As one senior Trump advisor summarised:
“Is this shit crazy or what? Maybe. But if you think about it, replacing socialism with tacos isn’t the worst idea anyone’s had in Washington.”
Hope he does. I love a good war.