Stasi commissars and Bolshevik troops were regaled at this year’s woke Marxist Edinburgh Fringe Festival of Soviet Non-Comedy. The humourless coterie of performers all abided by strict puritanical communist regulations that completely kill any form of comedy.
“Comrades, thank you for attending this year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival. It is good to see you all wearing your Soviet caps and drab green uniforms. We have a wonderful set of performers this year who will all be performing the same things as each other with the same humourless non-comedy woke salad shite. If we see anyone laugh or look happy, they will be sent to a fucking gulag. Enjoy the show, comrades,” a Stasi official announced.
According to the regulations and diktats of the heavily censored event, any performer who dares to even think of having a mind of their own, or an opinion that is not in line with woke communist ideology will be cancelled, ejected from the show and sent to a gulag somewhere in Glasgow.
Comrade Nadine McManus, from Dunfermline, praised one of the woke communist performances.
“I enjoyed the show and everyone clapped on cue. The soviet dancing performance was wonderful. Afterwards we were treated to a few chapters of Lenin’s book The State and Revolution. I saw someone who was not clapping in time, so I reported them to the Commissar, who thankfully took action immediately and removed them. I cannot wait to come back next year.”
Another attendee from Islington, London was Comrade Marcus Stallin, who watched a performance of soviet school children playing guitars uniformly and with perfect timing.
“It was truly magnificent. The children played perfectly. I suppose the teacher standing behind them with a bull whip had something to do with it. Not bad for a bunch of four-year-olds.”
