Hunter Biden, the darling of the FBI, who can get away with anything thanks to the sweetheart deals brokered by his father, has given tips to the MSNBC network on his multitasking skills as he regularly drives his Porsche at 172 MPH, smoking crack and is fellated by three working girls at the same time.
“I was on the way to Vegas for another orgy, and I was coordinating with over a dozen girls on my cell phone whilst swerving insanely through traffic at 170-190 mph, taking hits off my crack pipe and getting blown by three girls at the same time.
Time is money
“I want to talk about my multitasking skills, and how you too can manage many wonderful tasks at the same time.
“First thing you gotta do is light up your crack pipe. It’s the first and last thing I do in any day. Crack is great stuff, man, it can make you do superhuman things that no sober person can do. Sure, my teeth eventually rotted away, but I got new porcelain ones the next fuckin’ day.
“This won’t work with everyone but exceeding the speed limit is a privilege that I can do, and you can’t. Do you have connections like I do? Exactly. Shit, I can shoot people on a street right there, bam, dead, and get away with it. I am above the law. I don’t even have to pay frickin’ taxes for all the ill-gotten gains me and the Big Guy got, allegedly.
“Anyway, check this out folks, the cops stopped me and I puffed some crack smoke right in the officer’s eyes as he asked me how fast I was travelling. I just told him, do you know who my dad is? I could have you doing traffic citations in fuckin’ Alaska by next week. Well, he rolled his eyes and let me go. It’s great to be the son of a corrupt politician who has to answer to no one and can get away with any blatant crime they commit. In fact, it makes me get hard just at the thought of it, scuse me, I gotta take another hit. *schtoooom*
“There’s room for everyone in my Porsche, and the three ladies I had that day were on lollipop duty. Like you take one long toke of the pipe, and they take three licks of the other long pipe, you know what I’m saying? The trick is not to release too fast, you gotta let it all linger for as long as possible, the pleasure mounts, it escalates, then you take another sip of the crack pipe, and it propels the pleasure forward keeping you right on the edge of releasing your goodies all over their eager faces. Damn, if I relinquish, I gotta have a line-up of girls with their faces anticipating the reward for their dear service to the USA. You know like eager pets ready for their daily snack, kibbles and shit, and then boom, I give one hottie a taste, then move along the line, you know it’s a fuckin’ production line these gals are workin’ on. You gotta time it right, all of them gotta have their tongues outstretched too. You want eye contact as well, that actually doubles or triples the pleasure, and then ‘boom’ the force of it. I am god right there and then, I can fuckin’ do anything, I am untouchable, even the FBI, CIA, and DEA cannot touch me. I am a superstar at that moment, drink it up baby, lap it up, you’re my little doggy.
“But it’s not all highs, folks, when you put the pipe down, sure there are lows, but that’s life huh you can’t be high all the time. So, you have to manage those times when you don’t have a crack pipe in your mouth, or are dealing with some CCP affiliated company making dodgy deals by using your dad’s position in government. When I make illegal money and don’t pay tax, that in itself makes me high. The IRS will be told to stand down, because pops weaponised all these agencies for his own purposes. He uses these government agencies to harass and ruin the political opposition and to win elections. You will see how it works in 2024, just like that chump Trump is getting hammered by pops daily, while we get away with everything. It’s so beautiful, I just gotta little pre-juice drippin’ down. Open up baby, yes, lap up the head off that.
“Hope you all enjoyed my tips and tricks, folks? Remember next time you are bombing down the highway at 172 MPH smoking a shitload of crack and getting blown by three underage Russian ladies of the night, unless you are Hunter Biden, you ain’t gonna get away with it. S-o-o-r-ry…*schtooom*”