New BBC Celebrity Retirement Home Unveiled

MANCHESTER - England - The BBC has unveiled a retirement home exclusively for its ageing presenters and key personnel, a spokesman for the broadcasting company revealed yesterday.

“You may be wondering where all your favourite BBC personalities from the sixties and seventies go to when they retire. Well, with a little help from TV licence payers and Her Majesty’s Pleasure here it is..da, da-a-a!!” a BBC spokesman said at the unveiling ceremony.

The state of the art building has all the mod cons, 180 foot high walls, barbed wire, armed guards and each retired BBC male personality gets their own special room which has bars on the windows and a heavy steel door that needs a special key.

“We put them in their special retirement rooms and keep them there for 23 hours in the day. They do get to watch a little TV of course, we pipe through re-runs of the shows they were in when they were at the height of BBC fame. We serve them some hot slop, usually porridge, and they get a bucket for their ones and twos,” one of the wardens, Ron Barker revealed.

A newly arrived retiree was rather jovial about his BBC retirement home: “I tried really hard to get that gig for her Majesty at the Palladium in the Seventies but my jokes just coudn’t cut it, but it seems I’m right here now at Her Majesty’s Pleasure..anything else would just be nonce sense..”