Gérard Depardieu Eats Vladimir Putin

SARANSK - Russia - Gérard Depardieu has eaten the Russian president, Vladimir Putin, the Kremlin announced Saturday, after the French film star had a sudden hunger pang during an impromptu visit to escape a millionaires tax from his homeland.

The Russian president, who is considerably smaller than Depardieu, tried to run away when the hungry Frenchman took out a bucket of Hollandaise sauce and grabbed Mr Putin with his chubby fat fingers. The details are too graphic to describe here.

“It was all over in a few moments. Putin never had a chance. This is a sad day for mother Russia,” Sergei Molotov, a Russian reporter at the scene said.

Mr Depardieu was on a trip to Russia to gain citizenship and avoid the punitive tax system brought in by French socialist president Francois Hollande.

“He touched down in Russia four days ago but all they have there is cabbage soup, cabbage salad, cabbage and vodka casserole and pickled cabbage. He must have been starving poor chap, he is only used to the finest French cuisine and not that Russki peasant slop,” Pierre Lejardin, a writer and friend of Depardieu‘s revealed.

President Vladimir Putin will be remembered as a staunch defender of Russia, and even though he liked to pose as a hard man in photo shoots, was actually a quiet reserved individual.