Artists Hold Benefit Concert for Themselves

LONDON - England - Corporate Artists worldwide are sick and tired of masquerading as caring benefit concert givers. A group of artists are now coming out and saying the lies are over 'we are the main benefit.'

“I’m sick of all the hypocrisy, we have always been in it for ourselves, and we all know it,” says an ashamed pop star who wants to remain anonymous for now.

The truth is, benefits concerts like “Live8 – Make Poverty History” and “Live Earth” are simply vehicles for record companies and artists to sell more records and stroke their already huge egos even further.

“No one in their right mind would even think that a stupid pledge like ‘Make Poverty History’ will actually do anything to anyone apart from the self-serving artist on stage,” says one of the architects of the artists worldwide concerts “These are all tools we use to revive dead artists as well as increase sales for live artists too.”

“After Live8 we gained new fans and our record sales increased by 75%, now that is fucking incredible, we sure made poverty history there because we were desperate since our 80s stardom, I was close to bankruptcy and the royalties had all gone up my nose in the 90s,” exclaimed a bleary-eyed Simon Le Ponce.

I did my bit by turning off my TV for 24 hours. I did not use any transport on the day to go to any silly concert either.
Ronson Corns, Sidcup






“The ‘Benefit The Corporate Artists’ concert is going to benefit me because I would like some more money,” Joss Stone says from her Malibu mansion.

This time, the new pledge will not be some false and preposterous impossibility engineered by marketeers to increase sales off the misery of the less fortunate but will be a blatant pledge to give to the egos and bank balances of all the people involved.

These corporate artists who will gather together for the worldwide concerts are for the first time in their sordid careers being true to themselves, some have had to have extensive psychiatric help to deal with this issue.

“Not one penny or cent is going to charity this time, before we gave 14% to charity with pledge concerts but now 100% goes to the artists involved.” says one of the accountants in the team jubilantly.

No doubt this concert will pull in the crowds, the many corporate artists who have signed up are all in line to make a financial killing.

The concerts will be held in New York, São Paulo, Paris, Shanghai, Los Angeles, London, Milan, Sydney, Tokyo, Madrid and Stockholm.

Preparations are underway for the worldwide concerts and after yesterday’s grand finale at ‘Live Earth’ where Al Gore actually lifted off the stage and was propelled by hot air into the atmosphere, organisers for the ‘Benefit The Corporate Artists’ concert are brainstorming on what they can do to top that.

Watch this space for forthcoming dates and final line-up for the “Benefit The Corporate Artists” worldwide extravaganza.

Sponsors “Benefit The Corporate Artists” concert have already arranged for a massive fireworks extravaganza and light show that would rival any new years party.

The pledge that will be touted this time is a blatant “You Give – We Take”

Spread the word people, at least they are being honest this time.