Kim Kardashian Joins Hottentot Tribe in South Africa

NGUMBA - South Africa - The Khoikhoi tribe in South Africa have welcomed American celebrity Kim Kardashian into their tribe, National Geographic magazine reveals.


The tribe, who were named Hottentots by the white settlers, were first discovered by Peron and Lesser in 1804, who uncovered the joys of big ass women. Especially celebrated with the image of the Hottentot Venus. (Image censored by order of Google)

“Some of these women have fantastic hypertrophy buttocks 2m in diameter. This is an incredible place, can you imagine if some women adopted this type of buttock embellishment in civilisation? I just can’t stop looking at them, I, I ….” the diary of one of the explorers then trails off into incoherent gibberish.

The Kardashian entourage will congregate at the Mkposu river in late July where Kim Kardashian’s ass will be weighed, measured and painted for a special inauguration ceremony lasting four days. When she is accepted in the tribe, she will be given two huts, one for each buttock, and a ceremonial peacock feather will be placed in her ass crack.

“Kim will then have to walk around the village four times in total holding the peacock feather in between her butt crack, if it falls at any time or droops, this is a bad omen for the tribe and a great taboo. She has to be very careful to walk steadily, and must not drag her vast buttocks on the ground at any time. During this period, gangs of male warriors will dance around her buttocks gesturing for them to grow even more. Her husband will be forced to stay in his own mud hut and watch the ancient ceremony taking place. Only afterwards, will he be allowed to join her,” Khoikhoi tribeswoman, Gousu Gousu told the National Geographic.

The censored image (above) used to depict a harmless 19th Century illustrative non-sexually gratifying scientific anthropological study of a Hottentot Khoikhoi tribal woman until it was censored by order of Google.

The illustration was exhibited at the City of Westminster Archive Center, London/Bridgeman Art Library in 2007