17.7 C
London
Friday, January 2, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 488

EU Stick Knife Into Cameron

Karl Marx
-
1
EU Stick Knife Into Cameron

Britain won’t be able to deport thousands of asylum seekers as of today because the Dublin ruling has just been scrapped by EU president, Jean Claude Juncker.

“Because of the scrapping of this deal, anyone who now comes into the UK is barred from deportation, could be a hate preacher, a rapist or a murderer, plus migrants are not constrained by having to claim asylum only in the first country of entry as it was before,” a smiling EU technocrat said whilst enjoying a filet mignon at an expensive Brussels restaurant.

Meanwhile back in Britain, a subservient spittle sniffer prime minister, quietly acquiesced to the reneging of the Dublin deal and simply shrugged his shoulders, much like Neville Chamberlain did when he came back from Germany singing the praises of Herr Hitler all those years ago.

David Cameron is Neville Chamberlain, and unless someone with some fucking balls comes in to mend this almighty mess, we will all be goose stepping soon.

The Big Short: No Need to Panic This is Just a Correction

Karl Marx
-
16
The Big Short: No Need to Panic This is Just a Correction

As the resident market expert at the Daily Squib, I am used to people asking me questions.

“Hey, Bill, when’s the market going to stop falling?”

“What’s looking good right now to buy?”

“Is my pension safe, the market just dropped by 34%?”

“The markets are regulated right, you know after what happened to Bear Stearns and Lehman?”

I only have one answer for these people, and that’s never listen to the news, because once you hear it there it’s already history.

Do your own research is my best answer, because if you don’t have the data, the numbers, the staff to do all the number crunching and sift through the data, forget about it.

By the time the big banks and regulators know what’s going on, the event already happened.

You see folks, after the 2008 bailouts, the taxpayer ate it, and the bankers got a pay off from your hard earned cash, they just went back to doing what they were doing before the crash. That’s why this is happening again right now, and it’s only going to get worse.

1929-2016 DJIA

To understand the markets, you have to understand how avalanches work, first you need some noise, or a little too much snow on the mountain, then the top rolls down, accumulating speed and momentum, maybe it stops a little here or there, there may be a big rock somewhere, but that snow keeps coming, and coming until gravity and momentum do their job and the snow sees the bottom of the mountain. The bigger the mountain, the bigger the avalanche.

Short

Now the shorters in the market, the big boys were waiting for awhile for this to happen, the pumping of false cash into the market made it rise, but they knew that there was no substance to this rise. When the jobs data is falsified, when the derivatives keep getting piled on and on, when the unfunded Federal debt liabilities are at $130 Trillion and the Obama deficit is at $22 Trillion, there is no way this can be resolved mathematically, or physically.

QE4 I hear you shout! Is that the answer? Not really folks because QE4 means Armageddon is postponed for maybe a few months, but even QE4 won’t do much, especially with interest rates near zero still and no room to manoeuvre.

Hey I know, let’s invade Iran. Close…war could be the answer to all of our problems but this time, it would not be against some defenceless paper tiger like Iraq, but Russia, China and Iran. Big problem there.

Anyway, how long is a piece of string? You can have all the quants you want trying to work things out, the question is, where does it end, and can you stop it?

No. Not this time. No lessons were learned the last time, so why should now be any different?

Donald Trump: My Ku Klux Klan Daddy and Me

Karl Marx
-
15
Donald Trump: My Ku Klux Klan Daddy and Me

According to a 1927 New York Times edition, Donald Trump’s dad was a prominent member of the KKK, and his son, Donald J. Trump is no better.

“My daddy would say, lookee over here, there goes another ‘boy’. One day, when you become president son, first you gotta trick them negroes to think you like them, then you gotta win and stick ’em back in the ground where they belong,” Trump told one of his acolytes during a pre-rally briefing.

Trickery doesn’t come cheap for most presidential candidates, but for Trump, to win, pulling the wool over the eyes of African Americans has been easier than he thought.

“I got some of these people coming up to me and saying they’ll vote for me. If only they knew. Like I’m laughing inside, but I give ’em a big smile and carry on with the show,” Trump detailed.

Certainly, Trump has a huge following of African Americans, blinded by the lies and cheap rhetoric, but at the end of the day, blacks in America would pay a heavy price for a Trump win.

Neil Zlozower, a reporter for KACS news in Arkansas is well informed on the situation: “You got people like Farakhan endorsing Trump, little does that idiot know that the Ku Klux Klan is pulling the strings on this one. Trump is a stone cold racist, he sees blacks as slaves, as low value workers, low information voters, and basically made up of the intelligence level of goats, that’s the beauty of the situation we got now. We got blacks endorsing Trump, when Trump is laughing like a hyena right in their face, they’re worshipping him. Who played who? I say Trump’s the winner here, he’s taking the black vote and adding it up to his roster, he don’t care about blacks because soon they’ll be shining his shoes all the way to the presidency.”

Black Overload: Oscars Go All White

Karl Marx
-
10
Black Overload: Oscars Go All White

“First things first, why are there no Oriental actors nominated for the Oscars? Why are there no Polynesian actors nominated? Because the English speaking world is primarily for those people. Why do black actors want to hijack something, why don’t they go back to Africa and build their own film industry?” an industry insider in Hollywood revealed on Monday.

The truth is that people have had enough of the incessant moaning, the hijacking of everything by blacks in the entertainment industry and the world in general. Since Obama has become president, the hijacking of pretty much every genre of everything has been de rigueur, enabled by an administration that puts blacks above any other race.

What about Tibetans? Are they not humans, are they not good actors and actresses? What about Chinese or Japanese actors, or Indians? What about Arabic, or Turkish actors? There are some great actors in South America. Why does it just have to always be about black actors? There are other races in the world apart from entitled blacks, who seem to shout the loudest for everything and display little or no talent to back it up.

“Everyone has had enough of rap films, ghettoised cop films and all the other hip hop culture films. No one wants to watch that apart from dumbed down low intelligence troglodytes. Besides, watch any mainstream big studio Hollywood film, and you will see tonnes of black actors portraying people in positions of power, let’s reference Morgan Freeman and Samuel L. Jackson as two such actors. The former referenced actor is always the all-American father figure, the latter is always the wheeler-dealer African American. You buy a used car from Samuel L. Jackson? Hell no, he’ll convince you to get in the boot, take it round the corner and put a few caps in yo ass so you don’t blab,” another industry person revealed.

One angry former Hollywood executive said: “Stop hijacking! Don’t impose yourself on people that do not want to see your face on the screen. Instead blacks should create their own film industry where they can indulge in their own dreams. There’s only so much black culture the rest of society can take.”

Chancellor Merkel: Islamic Men Allowed Six German Wives Each

Karl Marx
-
13
Chancellor Merkel: Islamic Men Allowed Six German Wives Each

 

“We must adhere to the rules and culture of Islam. It is a patriarchal religion where each man is allowed six wives. I am asking all German women to be understanding to these rituals. When the man comes home, the women must wash his feet, prepare a feast and have a clean home. Then, in the evening, the man will choose which woman he is to sleep with, or maybe all at the same time. We must as Germans also adhere to covering up in public as is the custom in Islam. Women who do not adhere to these rules will be subject to EU Sharia law.”

In every town in Germany, there will now be markets where men can inspect women and check if they are worthy of the harem.

“If you are a man of great importance in Islam, you can have hundreds of concubines, but for every other Muslim five or six women is acceptable. Many Islamic men are in paradise in Europe already. The women here are mostly blonde, fair skinned, with good teeth, and have amazing bodies, therefore it is truly a gift from Allah that Merkel has let us into the country. We’re going to be digging for awhile, as the German Christian men are feeble and mostly homosexuals. Thank you Angela, now excuse me got to get back to my harem of nubile German seductresses,” Ibn bin Waled, who only arrived in Hamburg two months ago and is an exceedingly busy man, told Bild magazine.

 

Woman Gives Birth to Muslim Baby During Trump Meeting

Karl Marx
-
13
Woman Gives Birth to Muslim Baby During Trump Meeting

 

The woman was so surprised to have been standing almost 35 inches away from Trump that her waters broke and she gave birth on Donald Trump’s $8,000 Italian leather shoes.

One bystander was not shocked by the incident, but was astounded when the baby seemed to have brown skin and started crying out ‘Allah Akbar’ when it shot out of the woman’s slush shoot at high speed.

“The birth seemed fine, sure Don got his shoes soaked with blood and afterbirth, but the most shocking thing was this baby was the devil’s child. It started shouting snackbars and it even had a turban on its head. Then, this horrible brown skinned thang tried to strangle Donald’s foot waging Jeehad on his ass. At that moment, security came and put that lil critter in a cage and took the woman away. I don’t know who was more shocked, Donald, the woman, or the crowd?” Abe Johnson, from Milwaukee told Fox news 5.

After the incident Trump said: “You see what I was talking about? A white woman just gave birth to a Muslim. When I’m president, that shit ain’t gonna happen. Now I gotta get a new pair o’ shoes!”

BREXIT: Britain Would Become Haven For Rich Disenchanted Danes, Germans, Swedes, French

Karl Marx
-
1
BREXIT: Britain Would Become Haven For Rich Disenchanted Danes, Germans, Swedes, French

The EU bloc would still be a trading post, Britain and the EU are all members of NATO and protected militarily, and the United States would still have its trusty mother country staunchly standing by its side.

Leaving the EU would only mean the UK is not forced into policies that do not benefit the country, for example, the British Isles are a tiny land mass, it is physically not possible to fit 50 million extra refugees from Islamic countries onto this land without civil war erupting.

Eu migration britain
Britain under the EU

Already, native Britons are seeing their essential services budgets cut and reduced, their hospitals overcrowded and their schools completely flooded, this is because money has been diverted to benefits for EU economic migrants and asylum seekers.

Britons are essentially being overtaxed and not seeing any improvement to their lives but to the lives of other people, freeloaders, and what are seen as parasites.

The EU and its diktats get more ridiculous by the week, especially when the overpaid profligate unelected officials who are ordering these new laws into existence enjoy lives of extreme privilege, unlimited expense accounts, diamond encrusted pensions, and luxury foreign travel perks — and you’re paying for it.

Unelected Eurocrat Janusz Lewandowski is happy with Sector 4's progress
Unelected Eurocrat Janusz Lewandowski

If Britain exited the EU, this would be an economic haven away from the corruption, and the country would attract trillions of pounds in investment from disenchanted citizens of the EU. We would have the affluent and educated of Europe coming to the UK to spend their millions, to bring their expertise and to build a haven away from the continent which has been ravaged by poor, ill thought policy, mass migration, and corruption.

Embracing Brexit is therefore akin to embracing life, to not do so is embracing death and slavery.

Martial Law: What You Need to Know

Karl Marx
-
5
Martial Law: What You Need to Know

First things first, complete economic collapse brings civil disorder, all supermarkets would be cleaned out in less than a day. If you are not prepared with a safe house in the country where there is plenty of food and water, you will most certainly have a markedly reduced survival rate.

Mass looting and criminality, violence in the streets and of private property would ensue in all metropolitan areas, and there would not be any place to hide from the angry mobs pillaging.

Immediately after mass civil disorder breaks out, all mobile/cell phone services would be cut by the government and there would not be any internet or telephone. This is why if you are organised, you should have already invested in a radio system.

During civil unrest, there are no hospitals, utilities, fire service, police force, doctors, financial services or lawyers.

Depending on the severity of the crisis, you and your family should prepare for as long as it takes before order is restored. This could be from six months to five years or more. The state of martial law could easily escalate to civil war which could take longer to die down.

In the event of martial law, civilians could possibly be rounded up by paramilitary and government forces and put into camps, if you are well prepared you will not be one of these people. Do not depend on the government for your survival or anything. You must be self sufficient, and most of all do not trust anyone, or be careless with speech. In times of chaos, a careless word to anyone could mean your immediate or eventual demise.

 

Here is a basic list of some essentials you may need to survive

1. A sturdy army surplus backpack.

2. A first aid kit, including bandages, iodine, alcohol, gauze and painkillers.

3. Close range melee type weapons. Machetes, Bowie knives, axe, katana, kukri.

4. Long range weapons. You will need a rifle or a 180 lb crossbow, preferably with optical sights. Make sure you have plenty of ammunition or bolts.

5. Clothing. At least one set each of hot weather and cold weather clothing, you can always ditch what you don’t need.

6. Boots. A sturdy new pair of military combat boots, preferably steel toe caps.

7. Manuals. When you’re on the run, starving, and out of water you won’t be thinking clearly, manuals are a good way to ensure you will not forget important information. An army wilderness survival handbook and a wilderness observation and tracking book would be useful.

8. Water. Make sure you have a canteen and get purification tablets to refill.

9. Rain gear.

10. A fire kit. Make sure all your matches and lighters are sealed in plastic. Bring kindling if you can.

11. Light. Bring an army style red lensed flash light. The red light will not ruin your night vision (your natural night vision) so you will not be left in the dark when you have to turn it off.

12. Medicine. Any important medication you may be on i.e. insulin, asthma medications.

13. Radios. If there are others in your group you will want to be able to communicate with them if you get lost.

14. Hand signals. If you have others in your group you will need to be able to communicate with them silently, make sure everyone in the group understands the hand signals.

15. Navigational equipment. Bring a compass and maps of the surrounding area. Good maps include road maps, hiking maps, and topographical maps. Make sure you know how to use a compass and read a map.

16. Shelter. A tent if you can carry it, something that will keep you out of the wind and rain. Knowledge on how to build a makeshift shelter is also useful.

17. A hand-crank radio. You will want to keep updated on new reports and such.

18. Batteries. Solar powered charger.

19. A watch, wind-up best pick as batteries eventually run out.

20. Cooking equipment. This includes a pot of some sort, eating utensils, and something to cut wood with. A ‘Commando Saw’ which is like barbed piano wire and will fit in your pocket.

21. Fishing equipment. Maybe not a rod, but bring hooks, lots of line, and lures.

22. Knowledge. This is your absolute best weapon. Once you have chosen the place or area you will run to make sure you know it like the back of your hand. You may have food rations already stashed away in cannisters deep in the ground, or a secluded well-protected dwelling. No doubt others have thought of the same location, it will be your knowledge of the area that makes you better. If there is a stream, know where it starts and where it goes. Know the hills, the mountains, the trails, the flora, fauna and climactic conditions year round.

EU Referendum: In or Out Vote Does Not Matter

Karl Marx
-
0
EU Referendum: In or Out Vote Does Not Matter

Whether one votes to stay In or Out in the EU referendum does not matter because the vote has already been sealed, a team of electoral invigilators and commissioners has revealed.

“If the government is for the EU, and David Cameron has hushed up any dissenters, there is nothing anyone can do about it. What we have here is a sealed deal already brokered years ago, by the UK government and the EU. We must understand that the politicians and visible bureaucrats reside well below the apex of the pyramid. These people are mere messengers and deliver their words which are carefully crafted from the highest echelons. If they do not do as they are told, the money is cut off and they are immediately ousted. One must also understand that the intricate financial system is geared at the moment towards global government and a cashless society. To get in the way of this would be suicide for any official as they all have their careers in mind, their duck houses and country homes. Everything you do at the polls on polling day is therefore inconsequential, simply because the deal has already been completed some time ago. For now, it is best to just sit back, enjoy the theatrical heavily controlled show and prepare for the onslaught of the pro-EU propaganda, as it will be heavy, it will come from every speaker and every screen. There is nothing you can do about it apart from switch off all heavily controlled mainstream media,” Miles Danforth, the Presiding Officer for the electoral commission detailed in his last speech, before being removed from office and made destitute.

Britons Will Lose Benefits Under New EU Plan

Karl Marx
-
1
Britons Will Lose Benefits Under New EU Plan

The tax credit scheme installed by the previous Labour government is to be scrapped in favour of a living national wage system engineered by the current Conservative government.

European Union Chancellor Merkel has thrashed out a deal with David Cameron to limit migrant benefits only if Britons are denied the same benefits.

Currently, 58% of the UK’s population survive under the current tax credit scheme and removing this will result in eventual riots, public disorder and even more poverty.

The Tory government, as much as they have adopted socialist nanny state policies on a number of issues have still had their eye on the tax credit ‘monster’ for some time, and this new EU deal with the Germans should eradicate tax credits once and for all.

“Either you get a well paid job like me or you die of starvation. Don’t forget to vote to stay In the EU,” a Tory minister revealed on Friday whilst dining at Claridges.

 

1...487488489...800Page 488 of 800
squib footer 270

Breaking News

Copyright © Daily Squib 2024.

The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.