17.7 C
London
Wednesday, January 21, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 330

WW3 UPDATE: Turks Move Into Syria

0

There is some alarm amongst Western nations as the Turks have been given the go-ahead to liquidate Kurdish militant terrorist groups bordering Turkey within Syria, creating a safety buffer zone, so that citizens who have been exiled by the Syrian war can go back to their homes.

Naturally, the West supports the Kurds who have waged a thirty year war of terror against Turkey demanding the Turks hand over half of their country to form a Kurdish state. Hundreds of thousands of Turkish civilians were murdered in cold blood by Kurdish separatist terrorist groups over the decades.

President Trump has threatened the Turks, that if anything happens to the Kurdish terrorist groups, then he will destroy the Turkish economy, like he has done before. Nevertheless, the Turks march on to create a safety buffer zone in Syria.

The West has a long history in utilising indigenous militaries to do their dirty work, and it also has a long history in abandoning these elements after they have completed their work. The Kurdish terrorist groups have been used and now have no use, and this is why the West will simply deem them as collateral damage.

The Turkish military have been aching to go into Syria for years and this will be a good opportunity to prove their military credentials, with updated equipment and large troop numbers. This will be an opportunity to test weapons in real combat situations, and to hone the skills of the various forces which will be involved in operations.

Once the buffer zone is created, the Turkish forces may move further into Northern Syria and effectively take most of the territory, however, this may step on Russia’s toes, who have them firmly implanted in Assad’s evil regime. The Kurdish terrorist groups could join with the Assad regime, thus escalating the conflict further against the Turks. The vast number of factions involved within the conflict zone could bring forth many differing scenarios, which could escalate into full warfare.

Instead of fucking around in Syria, the Turks should concentrate on freeing the Uighur people in China who are being subjected to a genocide by the communist Chinese brutalist regime. After all, if it were not for the Uighurs, Turks would not exist.

Experts: Government Needs to Adopt War Footing Over Brexit – STATE OF EMERGENCY

0

Constantly under attack from EU operatives within the UK, and EU agents within parliament, as well as the EU from Brussels directly, the British government is fighting for its very survival.

It is not just the survival of the government in question but the very mantle of democracy in Britain that is under threat by these nefarious forces within and without.

We are now in a state of emergency, because if Brexit is not delivered by October 31, there will be a crisis in politics, and democracy in Britain for the next thirty to forty years. Millions of people will never vote again, because they will have seen the EU Referendum result dishonoured. There may be civil disorder and riots daily for the next thirty years, simply because the sheer anger over a Brexit betrayal will eventually boil over. If one’s vote does not count any more what does?

EU operatives masquerading as British MPs have tried to block Brexit with a ‘Surrender Act’ working hand in hand with their bosses in Brussels.

There have been numerous legal cases brought by EU agents operating in Britain to thwart Brexit and to corrupt the rule of law to aid the EU.

Under these conditions alone, the combined forces of government that have not been compromised must join together to thwart the operations of these seditious agents who are actively working to aid the Sovereign’s enemies here and abroad.

STATE OF EMERGENCY – 30 DAYS

22 Scope of emergency regulations

(1) Emergency regulations may make any provision which the person making the regulations is satisfied is appropriate for the purpose of preventing, controlling or mitigating an aspect or effect of the emergency in respect of which the regulations are made.
(2) In particular, emergency regulations may make any provision which the
person making the regulations is satisfied is appropriate for the purpose of—
(a) protecting human life, health or safety,
(b) treating human illness or injury,
(c) protecting or restoring property,
(d) protecting or restoring a supply of money, food, water, energy or fuel,
(e) protecting or restoring a system of communication,
(f) protecting or restoring facilities for transport,
(g) protecting or restoring the provision of services relating to health,
Civil Contingencies Act 2004 (c. 36)

Part 2 — Emergency powers
15
(h) protecting or restoring the activities of banks or other financial
institutions,
(i) preventing, containing or reducing the contamination of land, water or
air,
(j) preventing, reducing or mitigating the effects of disruption or
destruction of plant life or animal life,
(k) protecting or restoring activities of Parliament, of the Scottish
Parliament, of the Northern Ireland Assembly or of the National
Assembly for Wales, or
(l) protecting or restoring the performance of public functions.
(3) Emergency regulations may make provision of any kind that could be made by

Act of Parliament or by the exercise of the Royal Prerogative; in particular,
regulations may—
(a) confer a function on a Minister of the Crown, on the Scottish Ministers,
on the National Assembly for Wales, on a Northern Ireland
department, on a coordinator appointed under section 24 or on any
other specified person (and a function conferred may, in particular,
be—
(i) a power, or duty, to exercise a discretion;
(ii) a power to give directions or orders, whether written or oral);
(b) provide for or enable the requisition or confiscation of property (with
or without compensation);
(c) provide for or enable the destruction of property, animal life or plant
life (with or without compensation);
(d) prohibit, or enable the prohibition of, movement to or from a specified
place;
(e) require, or enable the requirement of, movement to or from a specified
place;
(f) prohibit, or enable the prohibition of, assemblies of specified kinds, at
specified places or at specified times;
(g) prohibit, or enable the prohibition of, travel at specified times;
(h) prohibit, or enable the prohibition of, other specified activities;
(i) create an offence of—
(i) failing to comply with a provision of the regulations;
(ii) failing to comply with a direction or order given or made under
the regulations;
(iii) obstructing a person in the performance of a function under or
by virtue of the regulations;
(j) disapply or modify an enactment or a provision made under or by
virtue of an enactment;
(k) require a person or body to act in performance of a function (whether
the function is conferred by the regulations or otherwise and whether
or not the regulations also make provision for remuneration or
compensation);
(l) enable the Defence Council to authorise the deployment of Her
Majesty’s armed forces;
(m) make provision (which may include conferring powers in relation to
property) for facilitating any deployment of Her Majesty’s armed
forces;
(n) confer jurisdiction on a court or tribunal (which may include a tribunal
established by the regulations);
Civil Contingencies Act 2004 (c. 36)

Part 2 — Emergency powers
16
(o) make provision which has effect in relation to, or to anything done in—
(i) an area of the territorial sea,
(ii) an area within British fishery limits, or
(iii) an area of the continental shelf;
(p) make provision which applies generally or only in specified
circumstances or for a specified purpose;
(q) make different provision for different circumstances or purposes.
(4) In subsection (3) “specified” means specified by, or to be specified in
accordance with, the regulations.
(5) A person making emergency regulations must have regard to the importance
of ensuring that Parliament, the High Court and the Court of Session are able
to conduct proceedings in connection with—
(a) the regulations, or
(b) action taken under the regulations

How to Research for a Football Bet: Top Things to Keep in Mind

0

It can be quite challenging coming up with a football betting strategy. Even after having one, it doesn’t always guarantee you that you can place bets and win all the time. In order to prepare for every bet, you will need to follow specific preparatory steps, and you absolutely cannot ignore them.

Doing adequate research is paramount to success, and you will have to evaluate what you
can expect at every point of time. Depending on your chosen markets, you will get plenty of details. However, the basis will remain the same in most scenarios.

In order to help you prepare better, we are going to take you in the right direction. Let’s look at the various things that you need to keep in mind before you start betting on football.

Checking the Performances of Both the Teams for a Prolonged Period of Time

It is a step that may seem obvious, but many tend to underestimate it. If you want to get a
good idea of the average performance, you will have to take a closer look at the long-term
Performance of the teams. Bill Shankly, the legendary, once mentioned that “form is
Temporary, class is permanent.”

Few bookies might under-price a popular team intentionally because punters will assume that the team will win.

The accurate time frame will depend on the aspects that you are trying to find out, but you should at least research the performance of a few months or a year. It will help in giving you a decent start and a platform for building on when you want to find more details.

The essential things that you need to remember would be the goals conceded, goals scores, and so on.

Checking the Short-Term Trends

After you have a clear understanding of the game and its bigger picture, you will be able to dig deeper and find out the current condition of the teams. You need to remember that confidence is crucial in football. Few players may be like world-beaters in one instance, but it can be the opposite in the next.

Keep an eye at the last couple of games played by each team, and it will give you a fair idea of what you need to expect. The stats that you need to concentrate include the form of the star players, average possession, goals conceded, goals scored, and so on. You can try reading short match reports for all the games if you do not have time to watch them.

Pay Attention to Team News

Every punter will be aware of that you need to keep a tab of the doubtful, injured, and suspended players. However, many may not correctly evaluate the number of absentees and their influence on the game. A player can be easily compensated in one game, while badly missed against specific opposition.

You also need to know who will be replacing the players who are absent. And identifying them would include information about their past performance. They could be squad players or bench warmers, and knowing that helps you in coming up with an effective strategy.

Another aspect that you will have to remember is the schedule. Knowing this can help in giving a fair idea of the players who would be performing.

If you want to bet on football, you can start with Genting Bet to gather some decent wins online.

Knowing the Previous Meetings between Both Teams

Another step would be to understand how the two teams have performed when they have played against each other. You need to have the recent stats, but the historical data mustn’t be ignored. You might notice that individual players or teams tend to have a good streak when they are up against a particular opposition. You will find plenty of such examples in the English Premier League. Therefore, you must keep an eye on that.

Listening to Experts

The internet is filled with websites sharing their opinions, and all of it might seem overwhelming. They might confuse you more than helping you out with your analysis.
However, some experts can be pretty useful in the football betting scenario. These sources
can be well-known journalists or successful players, but they are quite good at predicting and analysing the matches.

You shouldn’t copy somebody’s opinion but go through the preview to get a different perspective. It could help in confirming your expectations or show you a different angle that you might have missed otherwise.

You will have to go thorough research in order to figure out who these sources are online.
Therefore, are many websites online, and you might have to read a lot before placing your trust in any one of them.

Conclusion

These are some essential steps that you will have to keep in mind before you dive into the world of football betting. It may not be enough, but it can help you a lot as a beginner.

Once you start, you will be able to build on it after finding out the mistakes that you have been making.

Trump Asks Daily Squib to Investigate Bidens

0

Hello dear readers, we are now in the midst of investigating the Bidens business dealings in the Ukraine and China.

Both Joe Biden and his son, are being investigated and the stuff we have found will truly vindicate president Donald Trump, otherwise known as The Teflon Don.

Through our initial investigations, we quickly realised that former Vice President and 2020 Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden, under the nose of Barack Obama, strong-armed the Ukrainian government to fire its top prosecutor, Shokin, in order to thwart an investigation into a company tied to his son, Hunter Biden.

Viktor Mykolayovych Shokin was investigating serious corruption at a natural gas company tied to Biden’s son, Hunter.

Joe Biden withheld $1 billion in aid to Ukraine to pressure the government to remove Shokin from the Prosecutor General’s Office.

The former Vice President, Biden did this to quash Shokin’s investigation into Ukraine’s largest gas company, Burisma Holdings, and its owner, oligarch Mykola Zlochevsky. Hunter Biden landed the lucrative role with no experience in Ukraine or the gas industry.

During a 2018 speech at the Council on Foreign Relations, Joe Biden said he withheld $1 billion in loan guarantees for Ukraine in order to force the government to address the problem with its top prosecutor.

“I looked at them and said: ‘I’m leaving in six hours. If the prosecutor is not fired, you’re not getting the money. Well, son of a bitch. He got fired. And they put in place someone who was solid at the time,” he said.

In December 2015, Biden railed against the “cancer of corruption” in a speech before the country’s parliament and called out Shokin’s office.

Besides Biden’s threat over the $1 billion in aid, the International Monetary Fund threatened to delay $40 billion in aid for similar reasons.

Shokin was eventually removed from his position in the spring of 2016.

But, all of this is okay, because Joe Biden is part of the Democrat party.

Verhofstadt Busts Haemorrhoids After Reading Boris Brexit Deal

The scenes in Brussels after Boris Johnson’s Brexit aide dropped off a copy of the new Brexit deal were chaotic and at one point grotesque.

“Verhofstadt came into the room like a bull in a China shop, he abruptly grabbed a copy of the Brexit deal already fuming because he hates the British so much. His face got redder and redder after each page was turned, until we heard some popping sounds, you know like popcorn. Each time there was a pop, Verhofstadt’s eyes flinched in pain, and this is when he started shaking uncontrollably, like in the John Carpenter 1982 film ‘The Thing’. All we could see were the whites of his eyes, as the popping sound accelerated, and the smell of shit, rotting puss and blood from his exploded haemorrhoids infused our nostrils. That’s when I fainted,” one of the secretaries present at the meeting revealed from hospital afterwards.

As for Verhofstadt, doctors were immediately called to the scene where they declared there was nothing they could do. According to one doctor, professor Emil Schaffhausen, Mr. Verhofstadt endured a multiple haemorrhoid explosion which rendered his anus useless.

Wrecked rectum!

Doctors at the renowned Swiss Clinic for Rectal Reconstruction in Gstaad may be able to make a new ass hole for Verhofstadt, but that is highly unlikely.

Meanwhile, French Brexit coordinator, or chef, Michel Barnier is looking into the new Brexit deal, and hopefully he will murmur some good thoughts for a change.

Prince Harry Glad to be Back From Africa PR Offensive

0

The mentally challenged prince Harry is said to be pleased he and his family are back from the organised PR extravaganza in Southern Africa.

Asked what he will do with his time at Frogmore cottage, the prince replied in his customary dopey voice.

“I am going to learn how to read and write. It is something I have always wanted to do, and Meghan who says and does everything for me said she might help me if I am a good boy.”

Indeed, reading and writing are necessary functions for most people, but for prince Harry, much of his formative years when he was meant to be studying, went up in smoke, or up his nostrils.

The prince is however glad to be back at home with his wife and new baby.

“I, I, excuse me, (dribbles on the floor) I will be able to write a letter to the press soon to tell them I am angry at the way they treat my wife during PR photoshoots. She tells the press to come along and when they take pictures and write articles which I cannot read, she gets angry. I have heard about these articles and I do not approve (starts sobbing).”

The fragile mentally challenged prince is a sad former shadow of himself, miserable, tense, brainwashed and pussy whipped, he can’t even remember his best friend’s name any more, or the rules for playing rugger.

“I used to have a best friend, what was his name again Jonty? Monty? Oh, who knows? We used to go to Twickers to see the rugger, but I’m not allowed to do that any more. I am a feminist climate change activist now, at least that’s what I have been told.” ( a lone tear runs down Harry’s cheek and plops on his shoe)

How very, very sad.

Why You Should Care About Politics

0

A lot of people ask if it’s really necessary to be interested in politics, and the government, in general.

In fact, a lot of people try to avoid the subject because most of the time, they end up getting frustrated by the turn of events. Usually, politics comes with some controversial topics, an on-going climate of cynicism, and combative media attention, which may leave citizens disconnected and worn out. However, it’s important to learn politics. In this post, we explain why you should care about politics. Remember, when you get tired of it all, you can always take a break and play your favourite best casinos online games in order to help you relax.

It Impacts Nearly Every Aspect of Our Lives

Regardless of how we view politics and the government, these two aspects will always play a major role in our lives. In fact, they control everything from the tax amount that you pay from your earnings to what you are allowed to buy from the stores. Because of that, we really think that you should get to know more about them. You really should get to know who makes certain laws and how those laws can impact you.

You Become an Informed Voter

Many people from around the world just don’t see how important it is to vote. However, learning more about your politicians and the politics in your country will allow you to go and vote, armed with facts. These facts will help you make informed decisions. Of course, you don’t have to believe everything that you read about in the paper or watch on TV. You can, however, do your own research so that you can cast your ballot equipped with true information.

Politics Is Entertaining

Yes, politics can be a lot of fun just like best nhl betting sites. Of course, it can’t match dates with your family or friends, but it will sure keep you entertained. There is no denying the fact that there is just a lot of drama and scandals that come with election campaigns, voting processes, as well as the after effects. Of course, all you have to do is sit back and watch from the side-lines. However, get ready to take part in constant debates about current political issues with family and friends anytime.

Teflon Don Cites Civil War if Impeached

0

In a dangerous escalation of inflammatory rhetoric, The Teflon Don, President Donald J. Trump is now talking about civil war if the Dems successfully impeach him.

Mix in a soup of evangelicals, Antifa militants, patriot militias, crazed socialists, Marxists and you get a cauldron of blood soaked hell.

Remember what Thomas Jefferson said once: “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure.”

How Would a Second American Civil War Start?

It would invariably begin in earnest after a divisive action by the Democrats against the President of the United States, Donald Trump. This action would either involve an assassination or attempted assassination by a socialist Marxist group linked to the Democrat party, which has moved to the far-left of the political spectrum in the last few years. The attempted or successful removal of the president by Democrat socialists through impeachment proceedings would also invigorate Trump’s followers to act. Elements within governmental institutions actively working against the president could also trigger civil war.

Most probably, there would initially be guerilla-type attacks, coordinated by the many patriot militias. Taking down electricity grids, water stations, communications and bridges. Democrats who detest arms, would be defenceless against such actions, especially if the police stand down. The armed forces would most probably be commandeered by Trump’s generals who would purge the system of socialists and those working for the Democrat party within government. Evangelical Christian factions would join the civil war, cleaning out areas of what they consider as undesirables: Democrats, illegal migrants, gays, blacks, Hispanics, Muslims, Jews and anyone else they do not consider valid.

 

Many would try to flee to either Canada, or south across the border into Mexico, but they would be cut off before they crossed. The camps would thus be filled with Democrats who would be spared death for now, but for how long? Starvation, disease, would eventually cause much death amongst the imprisoned. All air traffic would be halted overnight, and all cell phone communications would be halted. Utility grids would all be compromised, and roads blockaded and bridges destroyed.

The Stock Market would be reduced to a burning ember overnight, as the cities burn day and night, purged of the Untermensch, to make America Great Again.

With mass proliferation of heavy weapons amongst America’s gun-loving population, there would be no shortage of ammunition and military muscle amongst Republican citizens. Election lists would be used for each sector to be cleaned out, and the Democrats, unarmed, unable to defend themselves, would be rounded up by the thousands. Due to food shortages, there would have to be mass executions, because keeping the Democrats in camps would not be sustainable.

Eventually, after approximately five or six years, the Civil War would end, with a replenished America, a lighter America. The country would be led only by a singular party, and all borders would be secured with vast walls keeping the South Americans out permanently. It would be a nation brought back to its roots of Christian, European superiority, with little or no blacks, Hispanics, or other minorities.

This would be an America reborn for the Trump era of dominance that would eventually move towards exerting its force globally once again after many years of Civil War.

Snakes bite..

BREAKING: Boris Johnson Accused of Breathing on Female Journalist in 1994

0

As is the case with Brexit sabotage, these stories only seem to surface from the Remainer sewer at a time when they feel threatened most.

The female journalist claims that Boris Johnson, whilst he was the editor for some magazine, breathed on the back of her naked neck with his breath causing her to become sexually aroused for a few seconds. She is now bringing up the account of her harrowing ordeal after decades because it is part of a Remainer plot to ‘besmirch’ the PM’s character just before Brexit.

“I was just getting up from a chair when Boris who had his back to me suddenly turned around. His breath touched the nape of my neck and tickled my skin. I was immediately aroused and felt something wet in my nether regions. This caused me great distress as I had to run to the bathroom and relieve my aching upright wink with a good rub down. It was the heat of summer, and I blame Boris Johnson for my impropriety,” the accusing female journalist revealed in a Sun exclusive today.

So, the PM likes a bit of female company? If this is a crime, let us all be arrested and locked up. Boris likes to move it around here or there, ooh how shocking, what an utter scoundrel!

Good on you BoJo, and your poll ratings just rose by another 35%.

Why You Should Consider an Online Lender

0

In the past, if you needed a lot of money for something you had to go to a bank and get a loan. This is the traditional method most people use to get more money. The problem with this is that you need to have a good credit rating. There are many benefits to having good credit. It gives you bargaining power and better chances of getting a loan, but not everyone has a good rating. And what can they do?

They could look for lending services online. There are many lending platforms like
https://www.asteria.com.ph/ that provide lending services for clients and if you have a less than perfect rating you should consider them. The online lenders have made many needed adjustments to the traditional loans of banks. One of them is convenience.

Any website can be accessed whenever you want to access it, except when it’s down for maintenance, but that doesn’t take a long time. By being available online, lenders can offer their services 24/7. With this level of availability, they’re perfect for emergencies. If your car broke down or you have some medical emergency that needs to be taken care of you can apply for a loan in a matter of minutes.

You don’t need to have a stellar credit rating to take an online loan. They’re entirely legal so there is a minimum rating requirement you’ll need to fulfil. Those with a bad credit rating will probably get a high-interest rate but will be lent the money right away. Student loans have low-interest rates and those in college can benefit from these type of loans. The low-interest rate is a plus if you’re looking to consolidate their debts to pay off a credit card loan.

The most obvious reason why you should consider online lenders is the waiting time for processing an application. Lending platforms combine algorithms and employees to process your application within minutes. If you’re approved you will get your money the next business day. You don’t need to convince anyone and don’t have to bring loads of documents. With those details in mind, you will surely think twice about going to a bank or another institution to get a loan.

However, you should have certain things in mind before getting online lending services. Since we live in an era where everything’s available online almost every type of service is prone to scams. That’s why you need to do thorough research of a lender before applying for their services. Reading reviews about the lender, looking for a physical address and any kind of certificate will prove to you that a lending platform is legal and trustworthy.

Another piece of advice is to not go for the first lender you find. There are heaps of lenders available online and all of them offer various interest rates and terms. What you should do is look for two to three lenders that have favourable terms or terms close to the ones you need and try your luck with them.