Ben Bernanke Worse than Gordon Brown

WASHINGTON DC - USA - US equities fell by another 8% Thursday after Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke opened his mouth and spoke a few words at another meeting.

“Whenever Bernanke speaks, markets tank. It’s good if you’re a bear but equities always take a nosedive if this guy even utters a word. He’s worse than Gordon Brown, and that’s saying something,” a trader at the NYSE told the Financial Times.

Bernanke Speaks Stock Market Weeps

Bernanke is a surefire shorters champion because of his ability to drop the Dow and S&P without fail. President Obama comes up with the anti-business policies that are ruining America’s fragile economy further and his Fed Chairman comes out with the flaccid speeches that drop markets by huge percentage points each time.

“I don’t think Bernanke knows what it is like to speak and see the Dow soar 300 points in twenty seconds. When he walks onto the podium and breathes on the mic, the markets tumble by 400 points. He is the anti-Midas Fed Chairman, we should just throw rotten haddock at the fucker every time he steps up to make a shit announcement. These socialists don’t know anything about money,” another frustrated trader said.