Daily Squib Ten-Step Plan For UK Economic Recovery

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LONDON – England – Ladies and gentlemen, we at the Daily Squib have compiled a ten point plan for the next Chancellor of the Exchequer to adhere to after George Osborne is thrown out of office some time in the near future.

We asked our resident economic expert Professor Lewis Handlebarr, to give his solution to Britain’s economic malaise. He came up with a 10 point plan in less than five minutes. Please do tell us what you think of his suggestions.

Ten Simple Economic Points to Make Britain Great Once More

1) Dump all long-term benefits holders except for the severely disabled. Benefits should only be paid for 6 months, then cut off for life. This will also solve the benefit tourism problem.

2) Reduce VAT to 12% from the current stifling 20%. This will invigorate business and commerce to extreme levels and actually increase tax receipts for the government as people spend more.

3) Reduce taxation on fuel by 75%. Britain will get moving again.

4) Reduce the size of the NHS to a bare minimum and ban any foreigners from using it. Ban drunks and drug users from the NHS. Sack 90% of the NHS managers and recruit more nurses paying them proper wages.

5) Only allow UK immigration to people with jobs and income of over £35,000. Dump all foreign aid saving billions. Airlift all illegal immigrants, foreign criminals and benefit tourists out of the UK immediately and build offshore holding ships to house them before forced deportation.

6) Stop all housing benefit and do not encourage people who cannot afford children to breed. Pay people on benefits not to breed.

7) Reduce corporation tax, income tax, council tax, capital gains tax, and all the other taxes.

8) Get out of the EU. The rest of the world is out of the EU and they’re doing fine.

9) Reduce the BBC to the World Service and limited TV scheduling. Sack all the useless parasitic BBC managers and overpaid jackals ripping off the taxpayer. Reduce the BBC TV tax to £15/annum for everyone.

10) Bring manufacturing home, and start building, pay decent wages, and create jobs to make Britain Great once more.