French Now Want You to Pack Defibrillator to Drive Through France

PARIS – France – A new ruling by the French government, which will add to the list of paraphernalia required by British motorists to drive in France, is set to cause some distress amongst holidaymakers this summer.

“We want to stop British motorists driving on our roads and having heart attacks, whether at the wheel or not, it does not matter. This is why we have added to the list of required items. Les Ros Boefs, they will now have to bring a heart defibrillator machine to jump start their hearts if they have le heart attack. Some of our French food is very gastronomic, not like your fried mars bars and greasy gammon steak and chips, or a full English, so this may set you off and your hearts may stop, either that, aussi if you see the prices we charge for everything here, even with a destroyed euro currency, you are sure to skip a few beats,” French Transport Minister, Gilles De Cardiaque, told French TV last night.

The new item added to the list of red warning triangles, high visibility reflective jackets, fire extinguishers, two breathalyser kits, and a complete set of replacement headlight bulbs, is sure to encourage more people to drive their cars through France.

A defibrillator can be acquired from most medical suppliers and needs six months training to operate successfully. The expensive specialist machines might not be able to fit in most cars with all the other required equipment, so the French ask that a special tow extension be fitted to your vehicle if it is too large to carry in the main compartment. The ruling will also affect motorcyclists from Britain who drive through France.

“I just paid £6,000 for a secondhand defibrillator on eBay. I can’t wait to drive to our gîte in the South of France to meet my family who flew there last week. If I do have a major heart attack en route, I will have to somehow give myself a few shocks though because I’m travelling alone,” Brian Alpersey, 49, a holidaymaker from Birmingham, told the Times.

As of tomorrow, motorists and motorcyclists will face an on-the-spot fine unless they travel with a fully functioning defibrillator machine fitted to their vehicle, as the latest set of motoring laws come into force in France making it compulsory for drivers to carry defibrillators in their vehicles.