Arriving back at Los Angeles at midday today, an excited Tom Cruise told of his extreme joy at seeing the founder of the Church of Scatology in a vision.
“N.Ron Hubbub was in the room with me as I was in the rest room taking a big dump on my 50th Birthday. At first I smelled him, you know like rotten eggs and garbage, and I knew this was N.Ron coming to show me the way to go. He said I was the most dedicated Scatologist ever since my OT IX and X Preparations. I immediately got my sh-meter out and stuck it in my butt hole knowing full well that N.Ron Hubbub would be pleased. His voice sounded like a thousand farts around a camp fire after a bowl of beans, I delighted as I saw the ol’ sea dog, with his shit splattered captain’s hat telling me that I gotta put Suri in a Scatology boot camp somewhere in the desert. He said I gotta do it for the good of the Church Scatology, and Penu. That’s when I heard a knock on the cubicle door and airport security telling me I got to pipe down with the blabber. I nearly exteriorised there and then,” Cruise told ABC news.
Mr Cruise was escorted to his private jet still with a sh-meter sticking in his posterior, but because of his celebrity status was allowed to continue his journey to Los Angeles.
The Church of Scatology will make an announcement on Thursday about Mr Cruise’s N.Ron Hubbub vision.
“We hope to increase the church’s income by 40% on that day alone,” an excited church operative told Scatology Week magazine.