Murdoch to Punish the English For Disobeying Him

NEW YORK - USA - Rupert Murdoch has vowed to punish the English for their rejection of his grip on the media and underhand techniques in acquiring information.

It’s another day for Murdoch as he lounges in his multi-million dollar Manhattan penthouse. He wakes every morning with a morning surprise from his beautiful young mail order bride from Hong Kong, then a luxurious bath with Fox news on the vast screen above the whirlpool tub. A few croissants and a brief tweet about what he is currently thinking, is of course a nice addition to his morning routine.

Murdoch has vowed to withdraw billions of pounds from the UK after the phone hacking fiasco which rocked his media empire so cruelly.

“If we hadn’t have been caught tapping people’s phones and paying off bent coppers in the first place, we would not be in this position now. I vow to punish the English because they did not accept our phone hacking in good faith. They should have accepted the payments after the whistle was blown and just swept it under the covers, instead I of all people had to answer questons. Me? I never knew nothing gov, nah!” Mr Murdoch told one of his reporters on the Fox news network on Thursday.

Murdoch’s anger at being held accountable for a crime that his organisation committed under his all-seeing eye will live for him forever and leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

The devil’s in the detail

“I feel sick to the rotten core at the amount of money I lost because they eventually told the public about what has been going on for years. I mean, they didn’t mind when things were going ok for them, it was only when it got sticky that the snitches were allowed to speak up,” Murdoch says flicking his lizard tongue in and out of his mouth quickly.

Under Murdoch’s patronage, the 168-year-old red top paper, the News of the World, was destroyed, as were the thousands of emails and pieces of evidence that pointed all the way up to the top.

Who is to say what other English institutions will be destroyed by the angry old man, who professes to be ‘over it’ but sneers as he says the words?

“We believe Murdoch will now have a hand in the destruction of BSkyB as well as The Times. If he withdraws the football and sport in America through the Fox network, BSkyB will eventually falter. As for the poor journalists on the Times, they’re probably quaking in their boots at the very thought of their fate at the hands of Murdoch, who could cut them out in a second. Look what he did to the News of the World, he ruthlessly cut the rope during his scorched earth retreat,” a journalist at one of his papers said.

Help us fight for freedom — you get unique goodies too…