Obama: "Why American Civilians Should Not Be Armed"

Thankfully under Obama's coming term, there will be no more scenes like this

WASHINGTON DC – USA – The time has come for Americans to finally grow out of their obsession with firearms, and Obama's second term will ensure that he completes his mission to disarm America and make it into a 'safer' place.

Speaking from the White House East room, president Obama spoke with reporters from numerous media sources telling them about the benefits of a disarmed America.

“The United States is a heavily armed nation. There is no doubt about that, and we all know of its bloody history of how the gun made America into what it is today. I want Americans to understand that there is no need for ordinary citizens to hold firearms anymore. We are not living in the Wild West anymore, we are not under threat anymore, these reasons are why Change has to come. The Second Amendment under my new regime will be superceded by an amendment that will ensure the safety for all Americans against firearms and themselves. How many people die every year from guns in America? Well, I have the statistics right here. In 1998, 30,708 people in the United States died from firearm-related deaths, in 2011, the numbers are shocking, over 75,000 gun related deaths occurred. Now, we saw what happened in Tucson, Arizona with the near fatal gunshot to a Congresswoman. We need to stop people buying guns. It is going to be my mission to stop you owning a deadly gun, because we have a police force to protect you. Fellow citizens, you don’t need guns no more. Look how safe the UK is without guns. Rest assured it will be my mission to protect you from your own guns, and I will not play around in the next term because I will not need to be re-elected then. I am the incumbent candidate this time, and I will be re-elected because nothing sticks to me. They call me ‘Teflon Barry’. You guys don’t have shit on me, I’m magic, I’m invincible and you Repugnants, excuse me, I mean Republicans, can kiss my indignant, perfect, half-caste ass. You’re going to wait in the sidelines for another four years. Just wait and see. What chance do your Mormon and other candidates have?”

The question is, what happens if an American refuses to give up his firearms?

  • Lee Shin

    I can't wait for the civil war. Seriously it's going to be amazing to watch on CNN.

  • John

    The irony of this statement brings me many lols.

  • Bill Dundee

    That's right! In fact, I wish guns were a requirement to be an American. Fully loaded 45's should be issued with passports to naturalized immigrants. Guns can be equipped with cell phone and credit card capability. Limiting firearms is limiting American freedom. I even turn the lights off and open beer bottles with them.

  • fireman e

    Frist of all who came up with these numbers. Your trying to tell me over 205 deaths by guns happened in 2011 per day. I guess this was a nimber from the whole world (including are men frighting for our country) If so bring them home. As far as taking my guns away, he can have them right after my last bullet leaves the muzzle.

    Don't know if this is true but I heard Prez.O. whats to put a 500% tax on ammo.

  • This Story Sucks

    Whoever wrote this story is a moron! We will never give up our arms. God Bless America! You will get my guns from my cold dead hands!!!!

  • rhban

    If they won't surrender, shoot them. Armed Americans cause more trouble than they're worth. Of course, if they're only carrying baseball bats, it's enough to beat them to death.

  • Jimbo

    Looks like we have a war between the fundamentalist Christian nutjobs and Obongo. Who's gonna win? Who knows…..

  • Hunter S Thompson

    The Muslim-in-Christian-clothing wants to disarm the American populace so Eric Holder's jackbooted thugs at ATF can covertly sell the confiscated arms to Mexican Cartels. Google "Operation Fast and Furious" for more details. There are millions upon millions of breeding Christians in Mexico, you see, and, once in Obama's pocket, the Cartels will be his second line of offense in eradicating Christianity in the Western hemisphere (the first line of offense, obviously, begin the US ATF and CIA). This is Hunter S Thompson, reporting from beyond the grave, and I can tell you Jesus is real and the savior and Obama is the spawn of Allah and the root of Apocalypse for the world as we know it. God bless and keep your Gonzo stiff in the wind.