Argentine President Kirchner Wants to Make Falkland Islands Into Plastic Surgery Centre

BUENOS AIRES - Argentina - Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, Argentina's president, is so addicted to plastic surgery and botox treatments that the Falkland Islands are in danger of being made into an Argentinian plastic surgery centre.

“We don’t want the Malvinas because the British have struck oil there and have untold billions of barrels of black gold waiting to be sucked up, no, we want those islands so we can have the premier plastic surgery centre in the South Pacific. The Malvinas will have so much botox and titty implants that we even plan on changing the flag to have my face on it. The flag will be a symbol of how someone can make themselves look with extreme cosmetic surgery,” Ms Kirchner told Argentinian newspaper, Es Cojonudo.

British ex-model, Katie Price, whose boyfriend is Argentinian, said from her grotesque Essex mansion: “The Argies love me because I’ve got a fucked up botox face, plus I’m a total and utter c*nt, much the same as Kirchner. I can’t wait for the Argies to invade and make the Falklands into a botox centre of excellence so I can go there and get them to pump up my football tits and nasty trout pout.”

If things go well enough, the Argentinian ramshackle armed Junta should try and invade the heavily defended Falkland Islands by this summer, so that they can get completely and utterly obliterated by an assortment of British firepower.