Henry Kissinger to Get Job Writing For Daily Squib

LONDON - England - Former Nixon-era Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger, is dropping everything in his Connecticut ranch to fly over to Britain and start a new life as a writer on our illustrious paper.

The Kissinger entourage will include an army of nurses and doctors, as well as a load of medical supplies that may require Kissinger having to write in his own specially equipped room.

“It’s not like we don’t respect one of the greatest statesmen that ever lived, but having to deal with a crabby old man in a wheelchair scooting around the office will certainly test Squib staff to the limit. I heard that he even has to have his colostomy bag changed every fifteen minutes, that’s just going to mess with our games of billiards or X Box. And then there’s the evil sneer, well, I’ve got one too, but it doesn’t even come close to Kissinger,” Sub-sub-editor, Robert Jenkem, said yesterday.

Last year the Squib had Johann Hari guest writing, where we got him his own writing chair — a toilet. This year will be altogether more interesting, when Henry Kissinger will guest write for the Daily Squib.

“We plan on getting another eminent American or world politician to guest write next year, it’s either going to be Dick Cheney, Robert Mugabe or Pol Pot. Oh the last one’s dead, we’ll just plump for Rupert Murdoch instead, we’ve heard he’s really bored shagging his 23-year-old mail order bride and Twittering all day,” one of our regular staff writers, Al Hertyu, said from the pub.