Coalition Plans Massive Soviet Taxpayer Funded House Building Scheme

The English countryside, before and after

LONDON - England - As if the UK taxpayer wasn't enough in the red, now the Coalition government is to build thousands of collectivist hovels all over the British countryside.

Plans to allow unemployable work-shy buyers of new homes to borrow up to 95% of their value, with the taxpayer footing most of the risk, are to be unveiled by the Coalition.

"Instead of the taxpayer footing the bill to put these people up in rented council estates, we plan to blight the British countryside with unsightly tower blocks and rows upon rows of box houses so that they can own their own property, all funded by the lousy taxpayer, of course," Mr Cameron told a consortium of wide eyed property developers.

Microdistrict Hell

Planning permission has already been granted to build over the Cotswalds as well all Green Belt land in England and Wales.

"This is just another way to bankrupt the taxpayer further, because these people who will be given massive subsidies to move into these houses will have no means of paying for the mortgages the taxpayer has underwritten. Simple, where are the jobs? It's another nail in the coffin and a sure way to force the UK into the euro currency. That after all, is the ultimate plan by the Coalition and eurocrats," a Whitehall source told the BBC.

It seems that as well as the bankers and energy companies getting healthy doses of taxpayer cash, now it's the turn of the property developers.

"It's going to be a fuckin' clean up session. The government is giving us a blank cheque so we can build sub-standard poorly designed blights on the landscape all over the countryside. I've just put in another order for a Ferrari and I've bought my wife a new Bentley, all thanks to the taxpayer, thank you very much, you stupid arseholes," Seamus Doherty, a property developer told Cowboy magazine.