Hitler’s Moustache Was Preserved Before His Death

There are still many unanswered questions about the German dictator's moustache.

BERLIN – Germany – Archaeologists have uncovered new evidence that may change history regarding the dead Fascist leader, Adolf Hitler.

In a remarkable turn of events, archaeologists have come across what is believed to be Hitler’s moustache in a disused warehouse in East Berlin.

“We found his moustache in an old brown envelope with a little note next to it. The note explained that before Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide on 30 April 1945, the Fuhrer asked his attache to snip it off and preserve it. The note did not explain why, but was signed by Wolfgang Reitmeister, who has been documented as being one of the officers who poured petrol over the Fuhrer’s body after his death,” one of the archaeologists told New Scientist magazine.

Preliminary carbon dating and DNA tests were completed last week with some very positive results. The data has been matched with Hitler’s remaining relatives of which there are many still alive.

Professor Arnold Horovitz, who came across the moustache, says that the Fuhrer’s top lip adornment should be displayed in Israel as a warning to the world of how one moustache could cause so much damage.

“His moustache is dangerous. Maybe it possessed Hitler, and took over his soul and he committed all those evil deeds. I myself have seen the power of that moustache, when a few days ago I swear I saw it twitching in the envelope in front of me,” the professor said, voicing his concerns about the historic relic.

The moustache is currently being held in a vault in Switzerland and is guarded by a dedicated team of security professionals.

Even former American president, George W Bush, has spoken of his interest for the item: “If only I could put it on my top lip. My precious-s-s! Holy Jesus..the sheer power of it all!”

  • Rick Spiegel

    He wanted it preserved because in the future science will be able to extract the DNA from it and clone more Hitlers.

  • I call BS, but this is some hilarious crap. I just wrote up a monster for a roleplaying game, that is Hitler's mustache (which jumped off his face at the moment of his death and went travelling the world, sucking soul after soul from hapless victims) so this is particularly topical. I just learned that the reason why he trimmed it that was is because originally he was ordered to, to allow the gas masks to fit on his face. Originally he had a big waxed Prussian 'stache.

    -Roh the mustache scholar

  • Harry

    Actually your all wrong. Hitler got his mustache from Charlie Chaplin. He was a great fan of the Charlie and wanted to look like him. So there!

  • Richhh

    m8 hitler was AUSTRIAN with BROWN hair and BROWN eyes, werent aryans supposed to be GERMAN, with BLUE eyes and BLONDE hair? exactly.

  • Gorman

    Hitler was no Jew he was 100% Aryan. You dumbass, where do you get off spouting your nonsense? STFU !

  • Hitler’s Jewish past

    Hitler had Jewish ancestry. His genes were all mixed up he had some kind of Jew blood from Russia. H ewantd all jews dead because one of them killed his mom. The doctor gave her the wrong treatment and she dies since that moment he wanted all jews died. OK he was irational but why hold this against him maybe if he had a good loving jewish family and partook in the jewish traditions none of this mess would have happened. He needed to have a Hannuka and Barmitsva, to sing nice jewish songs and forget about all that aryan crap.

  • D. Keeble

    Why would he want his tache chopped off?

    he was a nutter but that’s just too weird, i’m thinking he wanted to go to hell sans tache so the devil would not recognize him.

  • Pauly

    I gotta say this is the craziest shit ive read today!

  • Pamela

    If this is true it is incredible, they could extract Hitlers dna and genetic code to clone him.

    Scarey thought

  • Dean Feranti

    I think thwy should display the mustache in Berlin because that is where he died i don’t think Israel should take it