Tourists Coming to Britain Advised to Wear Stab Vests

MP Harriet Harman tours her Peckham constituency wearing a stab vest

LONDON – England – Amid the frenzied mass stabbing event that is occurring in England at the moment, tourists entering the UK are being advised by embassies and the Home Office to wear stab vests whilst in the country.

Visitors to Britain are being advised to bring their own stab vests or purchase them when they get here so that they can enjoy their trip without being fatally stabbed.

With every day bringing another batch of brutal stabbings by feral hooded teens high on skunk weed and crack, there seems to be no respite to the deluge of knife madness that is gripping Britain.

Consulates across the world are advising their citizens to only travel to the UK if it is really necessary and if they do travel to “bring a kevlar stab and bullet proof vest”.

Travellers to Britain have also had another major setback, they cannot get travel insurance as no company is willing to sell cover for the UK.

Stab vests (also referred to as “stab proof vests”, stab resistant vests or anti stab vests) protect the vital inner body parts from stabs, cuts, slashes and blows from sharp, edged or spiked weapons.

UK citizens are not allowed to defend themselves if they are confronted by teenage killers brandishing knives and guns and are regularly arrested and charged if they dare to use self defence.

“The police in the UK do not carry guns and under health and safety rulings have been ordered to run away if confronted by criminals and children carrying knives or guns. Therefore, it is not advisable to ask for help from the UK police because they have less power than the criminals. Some police officers are trained in firearm use but they are only mobilised as a last resort after the stabbing or violent slashing has taken place,” John Simpson a guide for the British Board of Tourism revealed.

London Bus Tours, the premier tourist bus company in England, have taken the recent violent developments in England as a chance to unveil the new armoured tourist buses that have state of the art defensive capabilities ensuring all visitors are not violently murdered during the tour of the city.

The armoured tourist buses come replete with gun turrets as standard on the top deck and will travel around the UK’s cities with an armed escort.

  • kirk

    first things first IM ENGLISH, i live in the country that doesnt allow its citezens to defend themselves well actually that is wrong, we cannot carry a weapon for self defence but we can still defend ourselves, believe me i do, also to the person mentioning the destructive gun ban it has been illegal in this country to carry a firearm without lawful excuse and it has been for at least 60 years, by lawful excuse that generally means if you need one for work ie military or police, i think that the whole situation is being blown out of proportion, come and spend a couple of weeks over here the chances of you being stabbed are really quite low, not every hoody is going to mug you or beat

  • John Prentice

    We used to love coming to England in the summer and have fond memories of those visits. We’re not coming this year because our friends tell us how bad its got. Maybe when they get back some control we will come back until that time though the UK can do without our money.

  • Ukguy2008

    I live in the Uk and for years its been the same, police have no powers or seem to be on the side of these drugged up or drunk wannabe gangsters. I for one have never been or ever will be afraid of them, hoodies swearing and acting tough, they just make me laugh, pathetic unless they with mates or should i say fellow drugged or drunk scum, one on one straight fight they useless. Shame people won’t visit this great country because of these idiots, too much nothing to do with me attitude over here, whatever happened to an English mans home is his castle?

  • Joel Simpson

    My son was due to start University in Reading this year but we have decided that he will stay here in New York and study. The UK is just too risky a place and besides we’re going to save a lot of money too by not sending him there.

  • Natanael

    I’m from Colombia and live in South London. I fear for my life every day and am leaving the UK as soon as I can to go back home to Cartagena, there is no law in the UK and it is now got to a point that is unbearable.

  • garry entropy
  • carl edge

    Good idea. You have absolutely no chance of being violently attacked in the utopia that is New york.I also agree with the first post. It should also be our right in this country to participate in the pinnacle of democracy: the high school shooting spree.

  • RepealTheGunBan

    Banning guns from law-abiding people and prosecuting the innocent victims of violent crime has created this situation. As Americans we have the Constitution of the United States to protect and preserve our God-given right of self-defense.

    I feel sad for the good people of the UK, Canada and Australia (all great allies) as their governments deny them the ability to resist attack and being murdered.

    To those in the UK: I urge you to begin pressuring your government to repeal the destructive gun ban that is killing innocent people.

  • Peter Malkin, New York

    Me and my family cancelled our trip to England because of the situation you have there. It was going to be good trip and we looked forward to it but we doubt we will ever be coming to your country ever or until you have a system that protects people from attack. I know many families who have cancelled their trips. Don’t come to Britain if you are thinking of coming because it is not worth being killed.