Aussie Athletes Shipped to Australia After Nicking Gold Medals From Brits

The birth of a nation..

LONDON – England – The Brits have been winning gold medals by the dozen and some Aussies have been caught stealing.

With only two gold medals by the Australian Olympic team, the Aussies have now resorted to stealing the medals from British athletes.

“Stop there thief!”

Britain now has eighteen Olympic gold medals as opposed to only two Australian gold medals.

Police constable, Gerald Whittington of the Metropolitan police, has described an incident where some of the Australian athletes, who did not win any Olympic medals, were caught stealing gold medals at Olympic venues.

“We caught the Aussies red handed, they went into the changing rooms and tried to pilfer our athletes’ gold medals. Just because they can’t win any themselves. Well, it’s off to a prison colony for you scallywags.”

The Australian athletes were shipped to Port Jackson from Portsmouth yesterday and the ship carrying over two hundred criminals will get to Australia some time next year.

“We hope to start a new colony over there, but first we will have to build some prisons to hold the new colonists,” Admiral Stanley Pitkin, told the BBC.

  • TONY

    IS THIS MENT TO BE FUNNY? ITS BULL SHITE! U WHINGING POMS ARE RIDICULOUS !!

  • Kal

    This is hilarios what do you think Australian people will not get angry at this? You guys are having a laugh if you think you can ©et away with this. Don't worry the Brazilian games will be different. You brits will be shamed. And you all should be ashamed of yourselves for saying that Australia is from criminal stock. Piss off mate we built our country ourselves and did not get any help from England.

  • Fnar

    Doctors in Australia have diagnosed a new condition which they are calling "Olympic finger". Symptoms are pain in the index finger caused by repeated scrolling down to see Australia's medal tally.

  • Charlie Turner

    If it was not for America Europe would be speaking German.

    Probably Australia too because the Anglo world would have been taken over.

    Actually I think the ozzies would be speaking Japanese if it were not for America.

    So all you people squabbling need to understand that America fought for your freedom.

    Give us some credit and all ways remember that . Peace my friends!!

  • Anonymous

    Somebody has do something about it. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  • Darren Ebel

    The Aussies did OK for some reason it was weird that they did not get as many medals as they should of. I think this article is pretty awful actually ans some of the Yank bashing is pretty awful too. Cant we all just get along? How about we all call a truce.

  • Harry Wisehart6

    My grandpa fought on Utah Beach on D Day for you Brits. We liberated you.

  • Jake Jackson

    Who invited all the wiggas?

  • Jiggs

    Yo yo dig this!! Ama tell u once only !! THE USA ROKS ASS! WE DA BEST !! @TLANTA GEORGIA HOMIES!! ALL U ALL ENGLIS NIGGAZ U PUSSY WIPPED ASSHOES N SHIT GET DA FUK OUT OF OUR FACES. tHERE U GO…i TOLD U ONCE N I TOLD U TWICE !!!!!

  • fuk u brit shits

    I'm on git u english pig n roast yall !!! Tell me y all British girls r ugly? We got best women ever here bitchez.

  • Anonymous

    "Ray——> You fat gun toting American cunt!!!!! Why don't you stick your loud warmongering mouth somewhere else you humourless daft POS. We should've erased you bastards in 1775. Take your bleached fake teeth and eat your crap gristle burger while your fake fat whiny voiced wife with silicon football tits and a face stretched behind her ears tells you that she wants a new handbag!!! "

    Hey fucko you'r real brave talking on the internet like that Mr Anonymouse. I want you talk to me like that face to face. Are you man enough to do that you english troll pissant bitch! You SOB's think you are superior to us huh? C'move r here . You want war well you gotta war.

  • JON CIMA, JERSEY CITY, USA

    GODDAM LIMEY ASSHOLES COME HERE AND SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT IN NEW JERSEY. I GONNA PAY FO YOU TO GET A TICKET HERE SO YOU CAN COME AND SAY THAT SHIT TO MY FACE YOU BRIT TOOTH MOTHERFUCKER!?!?!? YOU CAN GET SHOT FOR SAYING THAT TO A PATRIOT AMERICAN. IF IT WASNT FOR US YOU LIMEYS WOULD BE SPEAKING GERMAN NEVER FORGET THAT YOU GODAM SURRENDER MONKEY PUSSIES. YOU BRIT SHIT FACED ASSHOLES MAKE ME SICK!!!!!!!

  • Ray

    You see this is exactly the mannerisms spoke of in that article on dramatica are in regards to (which by the way, had you done more of a search you would have put in 'United States' or 'America" as your search term and had got a better laugh out of it than what I just posted here). Your kind and I like your words. Unfortunately because I put a link to something as satirical as the Daily Squib, you find the need to point out what is obvious about America (not necessarily me, but alright…)

    I'll keep my guns and you can bet on it unlike the UK which freely threw rights to the second wind and was duped in so many ways after a few shootings. Not even a "fake" shooting at a movie theater will work. Do you really not think that was an inside job? Really now?

    "cunt!!!!!" -You and everyone else in England seem to love this word…along with Twat. Do you womanize and call them all that? Are you aware of what a 'cunt' or a 'twat' really are? Why not just say pussy? What's the difference? Is one a more a proper way of speaking it over another, though they pretty much mean the same thing?

    " Why don't you stick your loud warmongering mouth somewhere else you humourless daft POS."

    -If memory serves me correct and my comments speak as such, surely you would know that I do find this site humorous overall, if I didn't I wouldn't be here. Let's get real; If I turned around and personally wrote a satirical article about 1776 it would make your head spin faster than you could make a cup of proper tea or take a shit and use a bidet. So let me get this straight…it;s alright for a British person to attack an American or an Australian, but when the tide turns, there is a dilemma all of a sudden,

    -As for my so-called "war-mongering mouth;" I have never voted. I don't believe violence is the way to solve anything, but I'm not a liberal and I will do anything to fight for my friends and/or family who believe in the same principles and hold up the same integrity I do. I really don't like that the UK or AUS is disarmed. Because in a panic what will you do; Call people Cunts & Twats in the imagined sense of hope that they will just go away? BS!

    I do understand that both of the parties are just mere puppets. Most people don't see it, but it doesn't matter. God is passing the judgement. Both here and there and on all nations who forget the rule and have abandoned integrity in the name of flesh. Poke fun of THAT all you want, but it is what it is.

    "Take your bleached fake teeth and eat your crap gristle burger while your fake fat whiny voiced wife with silicon football tits and a face stretched behind her ears tells you that she wants a new handbag!!! "

    Bleached fake teeth?! Oh wow… My parents raised me with clean teeth. As an adult, No, sorry my health insurance which is deducted out of my paycheck bi-weekly, pays for my dental work. But relax, thanks to Obamacare, maybe my teeth will just have the same opportunity to rot unless I pay out the ass for a cleaning as does the system require there.

    Gristle crap burger? Funny how the United Kingdom 'says' they hate this food, but the government there has no problem opening up our American chains or opening UK chains with similar themes, all in which serve the same fucking food.

    All typical cop-outs.

    NEXT

  • Ronnie

    Your country Ray has been responsible for the most hatred, war, dishonesty, hypocrisy and greed in the world. ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Americans are gluttonous pigs who use up all of the earth's resources. You are the parasites of the world spewing out your shite sitcoms and bollocks Hoollywod crapp!! Fuck you and the horse you ride on you snivelling subhuman piss flap. Your not worth the dog turd on the pavement. I sincerely hope your cuntry implodes from within. Turd off and die I piss on the shit spangled spanner..

  • Anonymous

    Ray——> You fat gun toting American cunt!!!!! Why don't you stick your loud warmongering mouth somewhere else you humourless daft POS. We should've erased you bastards in 1775. Take your bleached fake teeth and eat your crap gristle burger while your fake fat whiny voiced wife with silicon football tits and a face stretched behind her ears tells you that she wants a new handbag!!!

  • stupid yankee cowboy

    "..cheap shot at the.."

    Please don't shoot. (I got my hands up)

  • Ray

    "Well, it's off to a prison colony for you scallywags."

    The Australian athletes were shipped to Port Jackson from Portsmouth yesterday and the ship carrying over two hundred criminals will get to Australia some time next year.

    "We hope to start a new colony over there, but first we will have to build some prisons to hold the new colonists," Admiral Stanley Pitkin, told the BBC."

    Ya know, for a satire site I really gotta say that's a pretty cheap shot at the people in Oz. I'm an American, and overall this site is pretty funny (especially the stuff written about Obama and all) but I must say I have come to know the Australians as far more friendly and genuine than many British people I have met over the years who are for the most part, pretty arrogant or just straight up rude for no reason at all.

    If you're going to write an article at least get it right:
    https://encyclopediadramatica.se/British

  • Ron

    4 poxy gold medals???? they're under Iran on the table innit!!!!!

    Don't wish to gloat but…..

    If the Aussies had been any good at running they wouldn't have been Australians in the first place.

    disgraceful…lol

  • Bilabong

    What's an Australian's least favourite TV channel?

    UK Gold