The whole family were banished from earth today at 13.00 PST from Cape Canaveral
FLORIDA – USA – Sometimes on the Daily Squib there’s a feel good story, something that gives you hope and warms the cockles of your heart.
Today, we are proud to present such a story. From now on no one will ever hear about the Kardashians, the awful family that plagued the world with their inane, banal existence for so long.
Everything has been erased, that family’s awful name is history, all news outlets around the globe have deleted every morsel of the name from their networks, magazines, reports and all forms of media.
The family themselves were jettisoned into space today imprisoned in a shuttle that will travel the galaxy or hopefully into an asteroid belt somewhere near Alpha Centauri.
Banishing such a horrible clan of useless, greedy, feckless brain dead morons can only be good for humanity, and many cheered as the shuttle lifted off from Cape Canaveral on Tuesday.
“To think these parasites, useless pieces of garbage were on all forms of media for so long is like a case of cancer on the human race. They were like a cancerous tumour feeding off human existence, today I feel joy in my heart, and finally some respite now they have gone; like I can actually breathe again. To say I hated them is an understatement, I would rather eat crushed glass than listen or see another dumbed down report of one of them and their vacuous shallow lives. Travel through space, please never come back, let’s hope they run out of air or Kim’s fat ass implants explode blowing a hole in the fuselage and sucking the lot into a black hole,” Arthur Willis, one of the mission control engineers told CNN.
According to estimates, the oxygen supply will only last for six days. Those who were worried at the cost of launching the vile family into space need not be concerned as NASA used a decommissioned shuttle that was destined for the scrap heap any way.
All across the globe, fires have been burning as millions of people purge the earth of any mention of the horrible family that plagued so many. Computer hard disks were smashed, news outlets shredded thousands of documents, and all merchandise pulverised then incinerated.
Search engines across the internet have been sweeping all sites and deleting all mention of the family, but this may take some time as the infection has been so prevalent.
The money the horrible family amassed through their evil trickery, spam, and contagion has also been put to good use.
“We took all their money which they acquired by basically spamming everything. That money is going to be used to help starving children in the world, it’s going to be put to good use. They certainly would not do such a thing, but we are,” Angelina Dolly, a representative of the UN revealed at a press conference immediately after the launch into space.