Hated Heather Mills to Settle in Iraq

Heather Mills sneers in triumph after winning a huge windfall of Paul McCartney's cash

BAGHDAD – Iraq – After winning a record £55 million from chump, Sir Paul McCartney, ex-glamour model, Heather Mills and the most hated person in the world. Lady Mucca, is to escape Britain and live in Baghdad.

The most hated woman in the British Isles and Western world is to either move to Iraq or the Far East.

It has taken the hated ex-glamour model two years to acquire a £55 million windfall for her three year marriage to Sir Paul McCartney.

The greedy stumptress is already planning her next marriage to the next sucker she can dupe, possibly a rich Arab.

“She’s already looking for her next conquest and is not content with her £55 million. She’s going for the full century – the big kahuna – £100 million,” one of her friends told the Daily Squib this weekend.

Sunni Triangle mansion

Because of her hated status as one of the biggest gold diggers around, Heather will be living in the Sunni triangle in Baghdad.

She was only granted permission by the Americans to live in the most volatile and inhospitable place in Iraq after much legal wrangling and pleading by Heather’s lawyers.


A quiet Sunday afternoon in Ramadi

The Sunni Triangle is a densely-populated region of Iraq to the northwest of Baghdad that is inhabited mostly by Sunni Muslim Arabs.

The roughly triangular area’s corners are usually said to lie near Baghdad (on the east side of the triangle), Ramadi (on the west side) and Tikrit (on the north side). Each side is approximately 200 kilometers long (125 miles). The area also contains the cities of Baqubah and Mosul and Samarra and Fallujah.

Major Johnsons whose patrol regularly goes through the area told the Daily Squib, “We at first consulted tribal leaders on the issue of where to put Ms Mills in Iraq. Every area rejected her on the basis that they detest Heather Mills as much as anyone in all Western countries. The Sunni Triangle has no such qualms about hosting someone like Heather because between the mass shootings, car bombs, bullets ricocheting, RPG attacks, IED’s and having your door kicked upon by crazed US Marines they have other things on their mind.”

Heather Mills will be allowed to transport the bags of money she nefariously acquired into the barricaded Sunni Triangle compound and there she will live for the rest of her life.The former Saddam Hussein bunker where Heather will spend the rest of her days will be guarded by 24 hr security — not to keep people out but Ms Mills in.

One of her long suffering relatives has told the Times:

“She won’t stay in the UK. She knows everybody hates her here and she does not care.

“Now that she’s got her money she would leap at the chance to get away from it all and take her daughter Bea with her.

“I think she’ll go abroad and then just slowly fade away into obscurity.”

One can only hope.