17.7 C
London
Friday, June 21, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldUS Navy Dunces Sail the High Seas

US Navy Dunces Sail the High Seas

HICKAM - Hawaii - US Navy dunces are now sailing the high seas in state-of-the-art ships they can't control.

If you’re an American thank your lucky stars you are being protected by the US Navy in the event of some kind of invasion or war…or are you protected? Maybe things ain’t so rosy, especially as the US Navy is now manned by single brain celled dunces who don’t know which way is fucking north, let alone how to sail a fucking ship or defend America.

You see, since the US Navy lowered its entrance exams to get more recruits, the quality of sailors has seriously plummeted.

The happy sailor“We’re plumbing the fucking depths here. We had one recruit who thought the US Navy was a luxury cruise line headed to the Bahamas, and he demanded to see the captain because when we told him there was no à la carte menu or room service, he blew a hissy fit. Another dude came up to me and wanted to know where he could score some crack because he forgot his load at his mom’s house in the Bronx and whether I could sub him some rocks to get by,” Lieutenant commander Jim Bob Johnsons revealed.

Dunces on the bridge

Recruits are now so dumb that exams are just one piece of paper where the recruit is simply told to write an X in a box in the middle of the page. Many of the recruits cannot even speak English or complete a basic mathematics test.

“Under the Navy’s new dumbass program, the service will accept lower scores on the AFQT, between the 0 and 10th percentile, as long as the prospective sailor can point at the sea and tell the examiner that the sea is wet and kinda blue,” Lieutenant commander Johnsons added.

Navy Recruiting Command officer Cmdr. Rodrigue Geedunk lined up some recruits during a recruitment session and told them to walk the plank off the ship’s deck whilst it was 300 miles from shore.

“They all complied without hesitation like lemmings, even though some of them drowned because they could not swim. These are the kind of recruits we’re looking for in the US Navy — dumb as shit, who can’t even tie their shoelaces let alone a half Windsor, and they obey even the most ridiculous orders without question.”

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »