“I killed 25 p*kis from a distance of 1500 metres with my Apache m230 gun. They looked like Taliban, I call ’em mujs, ragheads or pak*s. Anyway, I was high on coke, and a bit tipsy but was certain they were not civilians. Who knows, they all look the same to me?” Harry boasted in a serialised passage from the media.
The new revelations from Harry recall his time in Afghanistan, as he boasts about his kill count.
“It was like clearing out a corner shop, they literally disintegrated as the high explosive rounds ripped through them, just like Meghan does regularly clearing out my bank account. Boom! Splat! All gone!”
The kill frenzy was probably carried out by Harry on a whim, as his colleagues revealed that Harry had a very itchy trigger finger.
“Yes, I remember Harry. He just wanted to shoot things all the time. He was a real party boy. We called him Captain Wales, or the Ginger Nutter. Any brown people, especially wearing turbans were Taliban to him, he would get in his Apache and blast away till smoke was coming from the rotating guns,” a mechanic recalled.
Sometimes the bullets were greased with pork fat to ensure the Afghans would not go to Islamic heaven, and be cursed for eternity.
One Afghan had just picked up a stick off the ground. He was now an official Taliban threat.
“We had to get clearance from the commander of the operation before letting loose. Sometimes Harry could not wait, he’d blast away laughing manically. He just had that itchy trigger finger groove going on. Bro was a real shooter,” a fellow Apache crew member revealed.
“If it moves, shoot it, was the motto from Harry. No one really knows what happened on those missions. Harry didn’t have the required skills or intelligence to fly the Apaches, but he could pull a trigger, so the Top Brass gave him that job. Even an ape can pull a trigger,” another witness revealed.