17.7 C
London
Saturday, October 12, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldBREAKING: Eco Zealot Loses Entire Arm After Gluing Self to Ferrari

BREAKING: Eco Zealot Loses Entire Arm After Gluing Self to Ferrari

LONDON - England - An eco zealot Just Stop Oil activist superglued his arm to a top of the range Ferrari.

Benjamin Barthon-Welles, 22, from Islington, North London, lost his left arm today after supergluing himself to a Ferrari SF90 Stradale. With a top speed of 211 MPH, the Stradale is one of the fastest road cars in the world.

Eyewitness Giuseppe Stromboli saw the tragedy unfold in front of his very own eyes.

“He superglued his arm to the back of the car. This Arab dude got in but did not notice the Just Stop Oil eco zealot. The SF90 Stradale can go from 0-100 MPH in 4.5 seconds. The poor guy didn’t have a chance, innit. I heard a crack sound, then whoosh the Ferrari was gone. All there was left was this poor sod standing there with blood shooting out of the socket. I called the ambulance, and they came quickly in a few hours.”

The terrible incident happened just outside Harrods in Kensington, West London. The man was rushed to hospital, but medics are still trying to locate his arm, which is still stuck to the Ferrari.

“His arm could be anywhere by now. It could be halfway to Turin for all we know,” a medic on the scene revealed.

Police do not advise anyone to superglue their body parts to anything, especially fast moving objects.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

3 COMMENTS

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!