Today the Bank of England raised interest rates again, and for many families already struggling with high inflation as well as taxes, this may be the last straw. Your mortgage rate also just shot up, and you don’t know what to do. Here are some great tips to survive the nightmare.
1. Sell your kids for medical research in China. If you don’t have kids, you can sell your kidneys or eyeballs in China and get a reasonable price. That should cover at least one month’s mortgage payment.
2. Pimp your wife out. This rather salacious tip may sound a bit scary, but look on the bright side, you get her out the house for a few hours making money, and the nagging stops for a while.
3. Live in a tent in the forest. Forget about paying the mortgage, pack up your gear in a black bin bag and buy a cheap tent. There are forests all over Britain where no one will ever find you.
4. Sell up. Well, you can’t pay the mortgage, so sell up and let some other poor bastard pay for it.
5. Do not rob a bank. This is highly dangerous and illegal. The banks may be robbing you every day, but that does not mean you should take hundreds of thousands of crisp banknotes from an insured bank to live the rest of your life in luxury somewhere in Brazil or Russia.