EU to Force Every British Motorist to Install Speed Limiters

BRUSSELS - Belgium - Number 3,895 reasons to hate the EU even more. Now they say all UK motorists will have to have speed limiters and GPS trackers installed in their vehicles.

Not Satire

“Is nothing sacred to these EU bureaucratic monsters dictating their silly nonsensical laws on us? If anyone gets in between my accelerator pedal and my foot, they better be wearing a cup,” an angry motorist said from East Anglia.

The new EU speed limiter regulations will come into force soon and there is nothing anyone can do about it apart from not vote Labour or Conservative at the next election.

“That’s the only way we will get rid of the draconian EU Big Brother laws that are taking away our freedoms. Next they’ll be putting electrodes up your arse to give you an electric shock if you are caught speeding in the supermarket. How much is enough? Are you the voter going to take any more of this? Wake up from your X Factor slumber and smell the fu**ing coffee,” another angry Brit road user told the BBC, before being taken off air by the pro EU broadcasting company.

It won’t just be boy racers and Top Gear fans who will be affected but everyone. You try overtaking a lorry on the M25 when the EU speed limiter suddenly cuts in.

“What’s Jeremy Clarkson going to do? He’ll go mad. The best thing for him would be to emigrate to Africa. At least there he can speed on the dust roads with impunity,” a BBC insider revealed.

Government minister Nick de Ponce said: “Don’t worry chaps. With all the EU immigrants coming to the UK, one would be hard pushed to go over 20 MPH on our roads anyway. We’re all like rats in a tiny shoe box now.”