An unnamed unelected EU official announced the terrible news on Saturday.
“All kebabs on the island will incur a heavy EU kebab tax and if there is extra chilli sauce the tax will increase by increments of 10% per year,” the official explained to baffled Cypriots on Sunday.
Nicos Malboudros, a local kebab shop owner from Larnaca was furious at the new levy as his business has already suffered after the recent bank raid by the EU.
“I am disgusted at this new shish kebab tax. They took 60% of my profits in my bank account and now I stand to lose my business as no one will buy my kebabs because the price is so high.”
The EU has stipulated that restaurants can avoid the kebab tax if they sell Brätwurst instead of the traditional kebabs so prevalent on the Mediterranean island.