17.7 C
London
Thursday, April 18, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldHow is Romney Going to React Under Pressure As President?

How is Romney Going to React Under Pressure As President?

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Does the world really need a cult member in charge of a nuclear arsenal in a world of hate and trouble?

Call it Scientology or Mormonism, the truth is these are dangerous cults with wacky ideas about things. You could say that having science fiction as a belief system is the basis for insanity, and you would be f*cking right.

Mitt Romney is a devout Mormon who believes wholeheartedly that Jesus visited the American continent after his resurrection as told by the family of Lehi, whoever the hell they were.

Mormon’s also believe that Jesus is Satan’s brother and God lives near a planet called Kolob.

If you are a follower of Mormonism, the Garden of Eden was in Missouri, that is before the car parks and shopping malls were built.

Mormons also believe that black people are sinners and that’s why they were brought into this world with tainted black negro skin.

“I know that if it ever came down to serious confrontation in world Geo-politics, do you want someone who has crazy beliefs on the trigger finger or someone who does not blindly believe in nonsense? How can these people be rational if their cultish beliefs are totally irrational and border on insanity. This is the truth of the matter. Mitt Romney is a devout Mormon, therefore he wears special contraptions and underclothes beneath his everyday outer clothing, the guy is wacko, nuts, bazoingoed! Do you honestly believe that this guy can make a decision that does not involve hocus pocus weirdo ideas thought up by some toothbrush salesman in the American Midwest? That sh*t affects everything, it really does,” a disgruntled US voter told Fox news yesterday.

Romney may be good at business within his circles, because of his close knit Mormon church contacts, but that does not make him understand the world, macro-economics, or the nuances that go with every variable, every grey point of every situation.

“If someone has beliefs that are illogical and border on insanity, I do not ever expect them to make a correct decision under pressure. It is not feasible or valid, in any way. Let chaos reign when this guy wins the election. The American people will have made their decision, or maybe Diebold will have made it for them,” a Capitol Hill insider told the Washington Observer yesterday.

What if Romney decides to wage a war with the Scientologists on mainland USA after he is inaugurated as president? Who is going to win then? May the best cult win.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

10 COMMENTS

  1. zack was right, it doesn't really matter if the candidate is religious, since historically they have all been religious and did their job well enough. what does matter is whether he would be a puppet of some church. and should that be a concern when they have all been a puppet of their political party?

    I think the biggest problem with him, is that he's a masshole. (a special type of asshole from Massachutsetts)

  2. I don't care if Mitt worships Luciefer or Beelzebub! Just as long as he ain't a ni**er. That's good enough for me.

  3. I am a former Mormon with great disdain for the institution of the Mormon Church. If you doubt this, just google my name and Mormon. Among other things, you will see that I find the very foundation of Mormon knowledge (as Peter Marlow has described it above) to be amazingly weak. But I'm going to leave Peter and the other believers alone (unless they choose to post something later that I just can't resist).

    I agree with comments made by another that the craziness of a person's religious beliefs not only does not disqualify him/her from the Presidency, it does not indicate his/her presidential decisions would be badly affected by his religion. Most U.S. Presidents have been theists who hold religious beliefs that are just as extraordinary as Mormon beliefs. The real issue is whether the candidate would be unduly influenced by his/her church. President Kennedy had to sell America that this was not going to be an issue for him, and if I understand it correctly, Catholicism teaches that the Pope is infallible when exercising his office of shepherd and teacher of all Christians. Mormons may have similar teachings, but do not claim the Prophet of their Church is infallible. In addition, I believe Mitt Romney has reached a point of public visibility and stature that provides him with some immunity from the influence of Mormon general leaders. I think he could get away with contradicting the LDS Church in ways that would leave an ordinary member threatened with church discipline. As Governor of Massachusetts, Romney demonstrated political pragmatism that I think demonstrates his ability to resist undue influence from his Church. Likewise, his business record demonstrates an ability to think critically outside the realm of his religious beliefs.

    Count me as an ex-Mormon for Mitt!

    Sincerely,
    Zack

  4. Please allow me to explain the beliefs of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from the viewpoint of an ordinary member (having converted from atheism 35 years ago).

    Mormonism is very similar to traditional Christianity in many ways. We believe in the Bible. We love it and use it extensively in our study of religion. We worship one God, our Heavenly Father. We humbly appeal to Him for the forgiveness of our sins, relying solely on the merits of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer, for that forgiveness. We believe Jesus suffered and died for all our sins, was resurrected and lives today, never to die again, a perfect resurrected being of flesh and bone, equal to the Father in every respect. He is our Lord and Master. We love Him with all our hearts and seek to follow Him and keep the commandments He has given us.

    We also believe in the Holy Ghost, that he has a very real and important purpose: to testify of Jesus Christ, revealing Him into the hearts of all who will choose to receive Him. We demonstrate that choice with a commitment to love and obey God, with a willingness to serve Him and do His will in all things, holding nothing back. We believe the Holy Ghost can reveal the truth of all things and therefore encourage all who have an interest in Mormonism to go to Him for confirmation of the truthfulness of the things we teach, rather than blindly believe on our words or on the words or opinions of anyone else.

    There are also many things about Mormonism that are quite distinctive, one of them being that we are not a reformation or break-off of any existing church, but a restoration of Christ's original church as it existed when His original Apostles walked the earth. We believe this restoration was directed personally by Jesus Christ through the Prophet Joseph Smith. The restoration of the original Christian church was accompanied by a restoration of God's priesthood authority, given to early leaders of the LDS Church personally by Heavenly messengers in several well documented visitations.

    We believe the Book of Mormon was likewise revealed by a Heavenly messenger and translated by Joseph Smith through the gift and power of God. The LDS Church is led today by Jesus Christ through prophets and apostles He has called. He gives them, as he gives all of us who love Him, inspired guidance and direction to accomplish the things He asks us to do. He had promised that His church would be built upon this principle of revelation (see Matthew 16:16-18).

    All this may sound implausible, but I believe that God is not obligated to only do those things that we find plausible. And He is doing many wonderful things in these latter days that are a delight to those who are willing to believe. For me though, it is more than belief. The Holy Ghost has given me a clear and unmistakable confirmation of the truth of the existence and love of God, the divinity of Jesus Christ, that He is the Son of God, and the truthfulness of the Bible and Book of Mormon, as well as the knowledge that Joseph Smith was indeed a true prophet of God and that Jesus Christ does lead this church today. You can learn more about our beliefs at http://www.mormon.org.

  5. Why are you one who cares what the theology of one who has great values is? theology is whacked??? I can see an atheist or non-christian calling saying that anyone who believes that god came to earth, crucified and arose three days later and the entire world is saved by this guy is whacked! YOu have no perspective on your own religiosity. I can show you how how judaism sounds whacked. every religion to an outsider has wackiness and its none of our damn business to judge it. nobody is asking you to be a mormon – we are voting for president not theologian in chief. It's distressing to hear people talk this way – I don't know of a group in america more solid family life, love of country, values, decency and honesty than the mormons. If that doesn't matter, than we are screwed. I don't care if you are decent, i care about what you believe about god…..wow these are new criteria. Our founders are rolling in their graves.

  6. Mitt Romney is a wealthy puppet of the Mormon Church, which worships Mammon. He doesn't care about anything else, and doesn't want to talk about it. If elected, his kelptocracy will make Bain Capital seem to have been compassionate. To get a better understanding of the cult that produced Mitt Romney, and to get your socks scared, off read The Assassination of Spiro Agnew, available at:

    http://www.amazon.com/Assassination-Spiro-Agnew-novel-ebook/dp/B0083EGJXC

    It dramatizes the Mormon superiority complex manifesting as racism, sexism, jingoism, and an anti-federal government temperament.
    It shows the similarities between Islam and Mormonism and reveals the secrets of Mormon mind control.

  7. I am LDS and it is misinformation like this that makes it harder for us to spread the word of God. Our beliefs towards negros are fair. We eventually allowed them to join our church in their own sections in the late 70's . They are fully fledged members of our congregations now and an integral part of our church. So you can cee that we brought those blacks within the purity of our LDS faith.

    Peace Be Upon You
    M.E

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »