'Underpants Bomber' Had Skid Marks Court Told

DETROIT - USA - The 'underpants bomber', Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, who tried to blow up a Northwest Airlines plane, which had taken off for Detroit from Amsterdam on Christmas Day 2009, had multiple skid marks in his underpants, prosecution lawyers told a court hearing on Tuesday.

“This guy had huge skid marks in his underpants, we’re not talking about a few little lines here, we’re talking major skid marks that could only mean he was shitting himself on that plane,” Jeff Dean, one of the prosecutors in the trial told the court.

The ‘Underpants Bomber’ gave himself away from the smell emanating from his bung hole, and scared passengers who immediately pinned the Islamic fundamentalist down on the cabin’s floor to extract his poopy pants. They were later praised for their quick thinking actions.

“I’ll never forget that day. I was sitting next to this guy and he suddenly started shifting around on his seat, you know like when a dog has butt worms and drags its butt around the floor. Then the smell hit me, he started shouting Allah snack bar stuff and looking all wild eyed. I knew something was wrong, and about a dozen off us got this crazy mofo down and took his underpants off. He had a bomb in there, but the skid marks were huge. I still get nightmares,” Jack Stollof, a passenger on the ill fated flight told the court.

No one knows what the outcome of the trial will be but when photographs of the skid marks were shown to the jury and court, there were gasps heard all around.

Famous actor and Scatologist, Tom Cruise, who attended the hearing researching his latest film, told Hollywood Weekly magazine: “When I saw those underpants and their skid marks, I knew that the spirit of N. Ron Hubbub and the Kretans was still alive. It’s as if I could smell the wonder of those klingons right from where I was sitting in the gallery.”

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