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London to Unveil World's First Pentadecker Buses

LONDON - England - Mayor Boris Johnson is to unveil the new pentadecker buses next week at the Royal Assembly Hall in Westminster.

“These buses will solve London’s awful public transport problem where people are pushed into moving boxes two to a dozen, like rats they are squashed together smelling the armpits of old men and sniffing the fart gas of some tramp who has snuck into the holding pen for travellers. And I’m not just talking about that old git, Livingstone either. The new buses will be luxurious, resplendent with air conditioning for the summer and heating for the winter. There will be televisual entertainment for every floor and a drinks vendor will be employed on every bus. Because of the nature of public transport in London, hoodies, chavs and other oiks will not be allowed on the buses and there will be a guard on each bus, ensuring that they are kept off,” London Mayor, Boris Johnson told the London Transport Symposium meeting yesterday.

Already, great excitement has been created amongst Londoners and tourists alike.

“This will be a great selling point for London, especially for London’s 2012 Olympics visitors. The tickets for the buses will be slightly higher than other buses, but in time we will bring those down too. Also, we hope to roll the buses out to other parts of London after an interim period,” the Mayor’s deputy, Linko Drepman, told the Evening Standard.

The new pentadeckers will stand at 58 feet high and will run on biofuels thus keeping pollution down. Their cost is a closely guarded secret, but because they were manufactured in China, the Mayor has assured taxpayers that the buses are very affordable and the number of passengers that each bus can carry will pay back the costs very quickly.

Joel Hammerstein, a lawyer from New York said: “I saw the pictures of the new buses they’re going to have in London. I immediately phoned my wife and booked a two week holiday.”

The new pentadecker buses will be limited to Oxford Street and Piccadilly for the moment but should be rolled out to many other routes across the Greater London area by 2018.

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15 COMMENTS

  1. and what about going under the bridges in london ??? bet they aint thought about that, im a frequent visitor to london so i know what im talking about ,

  2. get over it matey haven't you got something better to do then rant on a crap website. maybe you should go back to that other shit hole the Daily Mail. idiot

  3. A superb idea, give the person who came up with this design a bonus(consult Hazel Blears as to whether it can be tax free).Low bridges need not be a problem simply dig up the road to allow the bus to pass freely.Tunnels could be a problem though because they might collapse if too much digging went on.

  4. WHERE ARE THEY GETTING THE MONEY TO PAY FOR THIS?

    If the new Routemasters are £1.6 million each how much are those mosntrosities going to cost?????

    I know why they're not disclosing how much they are because my estimate is £4.5 million each.

  5. I for one support Mayor Johnson on his new purchases. They should be implemented as soon as possible thus reducing the utter gridlock we have on our Metropolitan roads. I am also rather confused as to why this design was not implemented earlier by th e powers that be? I suppose Ken Livingstone was too busy causing traffic chaos in London and taking taxpayer funded trips for him and his numerous hangers on to Beijing China. Ken if you read this, why don't you go back to your radio show and carry on moaning about the good old days when London was in utter dire straits. Red Ken, look what Boris has done in London, look at the bikes scheme, it's bloomin' marvelous and you can't deny it. Silly Marxist, Red Ken wouldn't know a profit-making scheme if it hit him on his ugly wart of a head. You're a blimp mate, a nobody. Ken Livingstone? Who is he? LOL

  6. As a design engineer specialising in multi-layer transport platforms, I couldn't help but notice that the additional decks 3, 4, and 5 have thirty per cent less vertical space for passengers compared to decks 1 and 2. Nevertheless, it's still a good idea, if only for the transport of the increasing number of dwarves in London who would otherwise wear out their little legs walking around the city. Might I suggest that Boris appoints a "Dwarf Tsar" to co-ordinate matters? I myself would be happy to fulfil the role for a modest £250,000 per annum.

  7. "hoodies, chavs and other oiks will not be allowed on the buses and there will be a guard on each bus, ensuring that they are kept off,"

    If that is what Boris said he should be struck off. How dare you judge people on their dress code. If he wants to go by that criteria he should not be allowed on his precious buses either scruffy bastard.

  8. I LOVE THIS!! It is such a creative idea whoever came up with it is worthy of a design award or two.

    Please can we have more info on who designed it and which company was involved?

  9. I don't know why they didn't do this in the first place it makes perfect sense don't go long like Red Ken's useless bendy buses…..go HIGH!!!

    They just need to avoid routes witht he low lying bridges etc…

  10. They haven't thought much about this…have they…?

    What about the bridges and tunnels? I suppose its going to be another £80 million mistake by TFL…

  11. Can you see an accident happening with low hanging wire and more importantly, bridges and viaducts?

  12. I want to know how much this is going to cost us? You'd think we weren't in a recession do you honestly think we have the money for these buses???? Their living on clouf cuckoo land.

  13. I don't agree with Boris much but I have to say this is a stonking idea. Bravo, they're going to be a great novelty. I'm sure the souvenir shops are smelting the toy buses right as we speak.

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