Labour Plan to Move HQ to Moscow Under Scrutiny

SALFORD - England - The announcement that the Labour HQ will be moved to Moscow in June, 2018, has surprised some in the party.

FSB Building Moscow Jeremy Corbyn Agent Cob Depositphotos_118939048_l-2015
Jeremy Corbyn (Agent Cob) pictured outside the FSB Lubyanka building in Meshchansky District of Moscow, Russia. October, 2017

Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn’s plan to move the current Manchester Labour HQ to Moscow, Russia has come under scrutiny from some Labour MPs.

Speaking at the Manchester HQ, Reggie Dwumble, MP for South Lanarkshire, was slightly precarious about the move.

“Jeremy said that we would all have to speak Russian. There are so many Russians in Britain today, that’s the only language I usually hear when in the streets, but I can’t learn it. To me it sounds like someone who has marbles permanently stuck in their throat.”

The move to Moscow, planned for June, 2018, will involve every item within the HQ shipped to Russia.

The Labour party has secured the correct papers for the transfer, and were given fast lane status by the Russian consulate.

Vladimir Sikorsky, a Russian embassy envoy was on hand to explain the fine details of the move.

“You need hats. In Moscow it very cold. Also, you need to be able to drink large quantities of vodka without falling down. Us Russian, we can drink three bottles a day without getting tipsy, but you British will have to learn the Russian way. Also, you have to know about food shopping, in our shops food very expensive, only VIP oligarch can shop there. In some Moscow markets, one tomato is equivalent to £7.50.”

Jeremy Corbyn, however, has sought to calm the nerves of his staff and followers.

“Comrades, as your supreme Agent Cob, I wish to assuage any form of terror you may be feeling right now when I announced the Moscow move. Remember that I am doing this to get back to our roots, and also because I’m a commie bastard who subscribes to Marxist ideology.”